I did not hear of Christian Science while looking for...

I did not hear of Christian Science while looking for physical healing, but while searching for the truth. A clergyman once told me that I wanted to know too much; that I must wait for answers to my questions until I should have "shuffled off this mortal coil," and I was inclined to believe him, for there seemed to be no certainty in anything on this plane. Was it any wonder that, after my first attendance at a Christian Science testimony meeting, I should ask the Scientist to whom I first spoke, "Is physical healing your chief aim? If so, I think it is a very low standard, for if I were ill, I would far rather die." This was said in spite of a longing that I had had from a child to be able to relieve the sin and suffering in the world, a longing which at times made wish to be a nurse, at other times a missionary; but I had come to the conclusion that in the chaotic state of things as they appeared to me, death offered one solution. if not the only one, to the puzzle.

The Scientist wisely explained to me that physical healing was only a small part of the teachings of Christian Science, adding that it was no wonder I should prefer to die if I believed that through death all my questions would be answered. It was then pointed out to me that "not death, but the understanding of Life" (Science and Health, p. 485), would solve the problem of existence. That first service convinced me that all the speakers said was absolutely true to them—from their point of view; but whether it was the truth was another matter. I straightway began to investigate, and many were the questions with which I plied the Scientists to whom I talked. These questions were all patiently met, though sometimes I was told I could not grasp the answers to the deeper inquiries until I was farther advanced. This used to nettle me, for I argued that if I had intelligence enough to ask the questions, I had enough to grasp the answers. I did not then see, what I have since proved, that I was in the position of a child who is learning addition and yet asks that a long division sum be satisfactorily explained. Though I made small demonstrations from the first, my progress seemed slow, for I wanted to reason out every step of the way.

Testimony of Healing
I had been a member of an orthodox church from early...
February 20, 1909

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