Testimony of Healing February 20, 1909 Issue

I did not hear of Christian Science while looking for...

Grace E. Adamson

I did not hear of Christian Science while looking for physical healing, but while searching for the truth. A clergyman once told me that I wanted to know too much; that I must wait for answers to my questions until I should have "shuffled off this mortal coil," and I was inclined to believe him, for there seemed to be no certainty in anything on this plane. Was it any wonder that, after my first attendance at a Christian Science testimony meeting, I should ask the Scientist to whom I first spoke, "Is physical healing your chief aim? If so, I think it is a very low standard, for if I were ill, I would far rather die." This was said in spite of a longing that I had had from a child to be able to relieve the sin and suffering in the world, a longing which at times made wish to be a nurse, at other times a missionary; but I had come to the conclusion that in the chaotic state of things as they appeared to me, death offered one solution. if not the only one, to the puzzle.

The Scientist wisely explained to me that physical healing was only a small part of the teachings of Christian Science, adding that it was no wonder I should prefer to die if I believed that through death all my questions would be answered. It was then pointed out to me that "not death, but the understanding of Life" (Science and Health, p. 485), would solve the problem of existence. That first service convinced me that all the speakers said was absolutely true to them—from their point of view; but whether it was the truth was another matter. I straightway began to investigate, and many were the questions with which I plied the Scientists to whom I talked. These questions were all patiently met, though sometimes I was told I could not grasp the answers to the deeper inquiries until I was farther advanced. This used to nettle me, for I argued that if I had intelligence enough to ask the questions, I had enough to grasp the answers. I did not then see, what I have since proved, that I was in the position of a child who is learning addition and yet asks that a long division sum be satisfactorily explained. Though I made small demonstrations from the first, my progress seemed slow, for I wanted to reason out every step of the way.

It must have been after some weeks or even months of study, that I went to the Reading Room one evening, feeling perfectly miserable at the prospect of my progress. I took up Mrs. Eddy's "Unity of Good" for the first time, and there I read (p. 5), "Every one should be encouraged not to accept any personal opinion on so great a matter, but to seek the divinity of this question of truth by following upward individual convictions, undisturbed by the frightened sense of any need of attempting to solve every life-problem in a day." The words fell on my consciousness like oil on the troubled waters,—they expressed just what I had been attempting,—and there and then I bought a copy of "Unity of Good" and took it home to study, with the result that I was very much comforted and encouraged. My attitude toward our dear Leader was for some time one of moderately grateful acknowledgment of her works. It was about eighteen months before I truly realized, in even a small degree, what she has accomplished and still is accomplishing for the world. I seemed one day to be surrounded by nothing but black darkness, unable to solve a problem at which I was working, and went to my teacher in my trouble. As she talked to me, I saw as never before that Christian Science is indeed Immanuel—"God with us"—and my heart opened out in gratitude to the one who was found selfless and pure enough to receive the message of Truth and Love. I felt as if a great burden had rolled from my consciousness, and I knew the demonstration had been made.

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