After hours of random search through the Bible and Science and Health in quest of surcease from perturbed thought, the writer came across this terse sentence from our text-book: "We are not Christian Scientists until we leave all for Christ" (p. 192). The words stood out from the surrounding text as if in bold relief—a challenge that would not down; so striking in finality, so intense in meaning, so startling to the sense of self-satisfaction into which he had unconsciously fallen, that with open book before him he sat in mute introspection, stunned, yet without resentment. The quest for surcease ended at that point, and took another course impelled by a different motive.

"Have I been truly and am I now indeed a Christian Scientist?" he asked himself. The question was direct; evasion was impossible. The search now was for the depth of honesty with which to answer the question. In sounding for that depth what a multitude of unsuspected imps obstructed the way—hell seemed to be turned loose. Yet he did not fear, nor was his amazement at his sinister discoveries accompanied by anguish or chagrin. The scores of little things—each a deceit and deceiver in one—intruding themselves into his consciousness, gaped and grinned in mockery of his claims to ardent rectitude. Finally, with stalking approach, appeared the fiend of self-complacent belief that his concept of Christian Science was the really right one, and that although others might be blessed with "an understanding," "a clear thought," and the like, yet hitherto his understanding had met his own full approval and was unquestioned. He had considered it so profound, too! What wretched impudence! What ignorance!

July 27, 1912

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