Article August 10, 1998 Issue

Forgiveness, not revenge, is sweet

What Nelson Mandela taught me about forgiveness

By Colleen Feldmann Douglass

"I Dont get angry, I just get even." In my circle of family and friends, we jokingly make this comment when someone has poked fun or tricked us. The trickster must then be on guard for playful retaliation—a splash from the swimming pool or a spray from the hose.

All too often in society, though, the sentiment behind this saying comes with a serious determination to retaliate. The media offer plenty of examples of people seeking revenge: gang warfare, suicide bombings, an employee denied a promotion because she won't sleep with her boss.

Fortunately, there are also examples of individuals who refuse to engage in revenge. Nelson Mandela is one of them. Several years ago,aLos Angeles Timesinterview with Mr. Mandela entitled "No Room for Anger, Mandela Declares" (May 2, 1994), provided a defining moment in my life. It gave me a deep appreciation for the power and possibility of forgiveness, even when it seems nearly impossible.

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