Speaker: We're all interested in maintaining friendships and in avoiding hurts and disappointments. Our guest today, Lawrence Spector of Beverly Hills, California, had certain notions about friendship that interfered with his happiness and progress in every direction. Just what were some of these, Larry?

Mr. Spector: Well, at one time I wanted friends, no matter what it cost. To me they were everything, the most important thing to acquire. You acquired them to surround yourself with admirers, to inflate yourself with their esteem, and to protect yourself with their numbers.

Speaker: Now this is a rather shaky basis for friendship, isn't it? It seems to be all one-sided. And I know you found that true friendship and how to acquire it and keep it were something quite different.

Mr. Spector: Yes, I saw that the whole world is crying out for more love, for more sympathy and kindness. If you bring these qualities into your daily life, others will see this, feel the warmth of your love, and turn naturally toward it. If this love is spiritually animated, unselfish, and impartial, that is, if it comes from God, who is divine Love, then it helps everyone.

Speaker: That's quite a different approach. Friends, in between these two widely divergent viewpoints some very important changes occurred in our guest's life. And it's these we've asked him to tell you about.

Mr. Spector: Well, when I left high school to go to college, I looked forward to the same recognition in studies and outside activities, including a flattering group of friends, that I'd had in high school. The social clubs at the university seemed to control the only road to success and popularity. In short, they were considered the most important part of college life by a great majority of students. Consequently, I was determined to become a member as soon as possible. However, I ran into an unexpected barrier. Because of the religious background of one of my parents, I was denied membership in these clubs. There were over thirty of them, and I was invited to many, but always turned down in the end. Because my predicament was somewhat unique, it became the talk of the campus and very embarrassing for the social clubs. I thought I had many friends, but they all began to slip away. Some even crossed the street when they saw me coming. My family, my father's standing, my new car—it seemed as if nothing could help me.

Speaker: Were you ever tempted, Larry, to think of quitting school or going somewhere else to college?

Mr. Spector: Yes, I was; in fact, my family begged me to go somewhere else. That woke me up. I learned in the Christian Science Sunday School that God is our divine Father-Mother and that He loves us dearly, that He is good, and that He is All. And so I turned to God in prayer, frequent prayer. I remembered that in Sunday School we were learning that we gain by giving. So my real purpose in being at college should be to give. As I thought about this, I realized that I'd come to the university to get —to get friendship, to get attention, to get popularity. So I saw that I had to begin by changing my own thinking. I resolved to stay and work the whole problem out.

Speaker: Of course, that's really the right approach, and in Christian Science such a change is the outcome of spiritual understanding —a regeneration of thought—not just a surface thing. So how did you work this out?

Mr. Spector: Well, first of all, I remembered that the Bible teaches that God is divine Love, unchanging Truth. And man is the image and likeness of God, the real man, that is, our true selfhood. Then I recalled how a mirror reflects exactly the object in front of it, and I saw that man reflects God's qualities, or the qualities of Love and Truth. Mary Baker Eddy has written something along this line in the Christian Science textbook that helped me. It's about reflection, and it's on page 515 in "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures." Perhaps you could read it.

Speaker: Yes, I'd be glad to. Mrs. Eddy makes use of the mirror illustration several times, but here on page 515 she writes: "Your mirrored reflection is your own image or likeness. If you lift a weight, your reflection does this also. If you speak, the lips of this likeness move in accord with yours." And, in the same paragraph on the next page, "As the reflection of yourself appears in the mirror, so you, being spiritual, are the reflection of God."

Mr. Spector: Yes, those ideas were very helpful. Since we reflect God's qualities, I examined the character of my own thoughts, and I found that they weren't very good reflections. Bad temper, pride, materialism, needed to give place to joy, loving-kindness, humility. I started reading our Christian Science Lesson-Sermons [outlined in the Christian Science Quarterly] with the idea of learning more about God. I tried to speak less and listen more, and especially to love more. I began to try to express true humility, patience, joy, and understanding. I saw that expressing God's qualities, and recognizing them and appreciating them in others, was what I really had to give. I guess you might say that I tried to be more worthy of friendship.

Speaker: Let me ask you this. Did you get over your feelings of resentment?

Mr. Spector: Yes, that was one of the first and greatest victories for me. I came to love Christ Jesus' great commandment, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself," and also these words from John: "And this commandment have we from him. That he who loveth God love his brother also."

Speaker: Before we go on, I think our listeners might like to know how Christian Science teaches us to overcome resentment, hurt feelings, injustice, and even hatred, and how to love a neighbor who seems to be very unloving. We must start with an understanding that God is Love and a realization that the real man is His reflection, His perfect likeness. When we know that God is entirely good, we can see that greed, injustice, and the like, are never part of man.

Mr. Spector: Yes, when I really understood these things, the hurt feelings, the disappointments, the resentments, faded away. This change didn't come overnight. I needed to look to God for wisdom and unerring guidance every hour. A wonderful source of strength to me was the weekly meetings of the Christian Science Organization at our college. Also my schoolwork improved, and I had some physical healings—colds, sprains, warts, boils, and a bad temper, all disappeared through prayerful study.

Speaker: That certainly was progress. But tell us, did you notice a change in the attitude of others toward you?

Mr. Spector: Yes, I really did, but not right away. At first nothing seemed to have changed, but my thinking had changed and that was the most important part. I learned to be steadfast in sticking to the truth I knew and in living it. Soon this attracted many new friends; old friends started coming back, and even those who seemed to be enemies turned into friends.

As the years passed I was elected to many offices. The attitude of the social clubs toward me changed completely. I visited back and forth with them and had friends in each one, although I never accepted an invitation to join. Also, these same clubs broke precedent to support me against one of their own club members when I was elected president of our senior class. But to me the most wonderful proof of healing came just before graduation. I was given an award which stated in part "... for Christian Campus Leadership." The word "Christian" meant so much to me, for it was the Science of Christianity, Christian Science, which had guided and inspired me. I realized at that moment that everything I had accomplished at the university was due to my wholehearted reliance on God.

Speaker: We do thank you, Larry, for your willingness to tell your story so completely.

Friends, no matter what age bracket we're in, no matter what our circumstances, the truths brought out in our guest's experience apply to all of us. These truths can help us overcome hurts and disappointments and build enduring friendships. By putting these truths into practice daily—faithfully—in a practical, understandable way, we are worthy of friendship. It flows to us freely, as it did to our guest, and we see tangible proof of the Biblical promise, "If we love one another, God dwelleth in us. and his love is perfected in us." This is the only satisfying basis for real friendship.

The musical selection on this program was Hymn No. 134 from the Christian Science Hymnal (I look to Thee in every need).