Testimony of Healing November 3, 1906 Issue

Gratitude prompts me to tell how Christian Science came...

Laura C. Moes

Gratitude prompts me to tell how Christian Science came to me in the midst of what seemed a great mental struggle. A number of years before, as the result of a certain line of reading and reasoning, I had arrived at the conclusion that matter is not necessarily a reality. I saw clearly that there was no more proof of the reality of the material universe, including the so-called material man, than there is of the reality of the images of a dream. I felt that I could not even be sure of my own identity. Lacking any conception of the reality of the spiritual universe and spiritual man, I had absolutely nothing, and this mental condition of extreme agnosticism, though I had no name for it at the time, became unendurable. I seemed to feel that I was a mere atom, adrift on an unknown expanse and not sure even that the atom was there. The pagan with faith in mere wood and stone seemed better off than I. At last, with the intensity of despair, I knelt and prayed that, if there was a God, He would hear my prayer and give me faith in something,—anything. The hungering heart is never turned away empty, and in response to my earnest desire came a sincere childlike faith. With joy I made Job's vow my own,—"Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him."

I soon took an active interest in church work, more especially, however, along the lines of the Sunday School, and this gradually led me to an earnest study of the Bible. Then trouble began anew. I felt more and more that if Jesus meant anything he said, he meant all that he said; yet turn where I would I could find no satisfactory answer to the questions that kept arising; no solution to the problems that kept presenting themselves. My blind faith was inadequate—it had given me but a temporary sense of peace, that was all.

It did not once enter my consciousness that I, on my own account, might try to live as I was sure Jesus taught, and so prove to myself the truth of his teachings—that I might wrest my answer from the inspired Word itself by practical demonstration. I seemed to stand still, again almost in despair, knowing no way to go on and not daring to go back to the former void. I felt slain, and yet not able to trust. Like Job I was longing to understand God—good. My friends, like his, failed to grasp my meaning, so I learned to say less and less. In this mental condition the light of Christian Science shone upon the darkness and was comprehended. I did not as before cry aloud, but my whole being longed to know, and the hungering heart was again fed, the earnest desire was answered. "The Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world," began to shine for me, and still continues its beneficent work in my consciousness, dispelling the dreams of sense and revealing the things of Truth.

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