Article October 22, 2012 Issue

The divine details

“Be sure that God directs your way; then, hasten to follow under every circumstance” (Mary Baker Eddy, Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 117).

Kristin Palkoner

As an actress living in New York, I was used to taking direction. I loved working with a director to help bring to life the artistic vision of a story and breathe life into a character. However, when it came to the direction of my own life, at times it felt like I was trying to translate a foreign script without knowing the language.

I had been encouraged during college to live in New York to build my résumé, but told that if I wanted to “make it,” I had to move to Hollywood—and I’d better not wait too long, or I might miss my chance! I’m sure they were meant to be helpful, but these “words of wisdom” made me feel worried, lacking, fearful, and hurried. I was becoming overly concerned about the effect every job I took would have on my future. I was frequently exhausted and never took a vacation because I was worried I’d miss my big break.

As time went on depression and disappointment began to set in as my career did not take the shape I imagined it would. I was working as a waitress at a restaurant while auditioning for acting jobs and also volunteering with a nonprofit theater company. Although I found some joy in the work I was doing with my theater company, I felt completely overwhelmed by everything going on around me. 