PARENTING February 28, 2005 Issue

TRUSTING WHAT GOD HAS WRITTEN

MEG WELCH DENDLER

IT WAS ONE OF THOSE MOMENTS THAT always started a battle of wills. I spotted what I thought was an adorable dress on the sale rack. It was perfect for my ten-year-old daughter, Amanda—the great colors and flattering style. But being the tomboy that she is, Amanda loathes dresses. She instantly turned her nose up at it.

Normally, this would be where the bell rings, and we both come out with gloves on. I try to cajole her, or flat out insist she try it on. She bobs and weaves—or flat out refuses. But this time I hung the dress back on the rack and moved along. I've learned a big lesson since our last shopping trip together: I'm not responsible for deciding for Amanda what it is that will make her happy and successful. The credit for bringing this point home to me goes to Bend it Like Beckham, a popular British film that came to the United States a couple of years ago.

The movie's main plot centers on an Orthodox Sikh Indian girl named Jesminder or "Jess," who is a fantastic soccer player. She wants to focus on her game instead of learning traditional social customs and getting married. Her deeply religious parents are horrified at first, but they eventually come around to supporting her unique interests and goals. This was a reminder to me that I needed to support and love my own daughter, even if her choices are not ones I might make for her.