Starving to be beautiful?

To be slim. To look like the models in magazines. That's the goal of many young women around the world. It was the goal of a young French high school student we interviewed (who asked to remain anonymous)—until she found herself in an alarming situation. That's when she discovered what truly made her happy and beautiful.

Herald: Is there a pressure in high school to focus on one's appearance and the way one dresses?

— Yes. It depends on who you're with, but it's true that usually the brand names on your clothes, and the way you dress, are often judged by other students. Those who don't dress a certain way have the tendency to be rejected, and the same goes for those who are too fat.

Herald: Do you think that at the age of 16 or 17 the pressure becomes greater?

— Sure, because everybody's trying to be accepted, and the easiest way is to conform to the standards imposed by fashion.

Herald: Have you ever worried about your weight?

— Yes, because I used to feel I was fat. I had put this idea in my head, and even though I was told differently, I didn't listen to anybody else. When I leafed through fashion magazines, the girls were so thin, and that became my concept of what normal weight was. On TV the girls are just as thin and, unconsciously, these standards of thinness become the criteria for beauty. Besides, if you want to dress in a style that you like—one that's fashionable—you have to be thin.

Herald: When did you realize you weren't happy with your body?

—It really started last year, in the summer, when I took a course in acrobatics. The teachers were preparing a show featuring pyramid formations, and since I was the youngest and the lightest of the whole group, I was always chosen to be the apex. Then I decided to become even lighter, in order to better perform my maneuvers. So the pressure there was just as strong: I was in the top position as a result of my weight. If somebody lighter turned up, they could have taken my position, and I didn't want that at all!

Herald: Did you still want to be thin after this course?

—Yes, I worried about it more and more all the time. Doing sports cut back on my appetite. So the more sports I did, the less I ate. When school started, I had to eat in the cafeteria. That wasn't very good. Since no one watched over me, I ate very, very little.

Herald: Were you still trying to stay slim?

—At the beginning, yes, but then I didn't eat more, because I really wasn't hungry. I didn't feel well when I ate. And I kept telling myself not to force it. I was afraid of eating greasy stuff.

Herald: So you were eating very little and being picky about the foods you did eat?

—Yes. But during the first few months this didn't affect me physically. Afterward, I started to feel tired at school and during practice. Then I stopped getting my period. And I had to stop my gymnastics.

Herald: What did you do?

—At first I didn't realize at all what was going on. My mother started to worry. She'd tell me all the time, “Force yourself to eat.” But the more she said it, the more food turned me off. Then a lot of people told me I had lost a lot of weight. But I didn't listen, because I still thought I was too fat. And then a friend I really love a lot told me the same thing. That's when I realized something was wrong. I had told myself that I wanted to slim down in order to be stylish and do better at sports. But I realized the exact opposite was happening. So I decided to eat better. But then I couldn't.

When I leafed through fashion magazines the girls were so thin, and that became my concept of what normal weight was.

Herald: You tried to force yourself to eat?

—Right. But it didn't work. I kept throwing up. Then I received an e-mail from a friend. He told me, “The basis of happiness is being happy with yourself.” I don't know why he sent me that right then, but it helped me a lot. I realized that I wasn't at all happy with myself, and that I had been very happy before. This desire to lose weight had spoiled my happiness!

Herald: So you realized you had felt happier before you decided to lose weight?

— Yes. I told myself none of this had helped me at all, that it was really stupid. I wanted to be at peace with myself. I sincerely wanted to find happiness in the spiritual qualities I possessed. I no longer wanted to let the girls in the magazines or on television influence my life to such an extent. I already had within myself all the qualities I needed to be happy, and nothing, especially those unrealistic images, could take them away from me!

Herald: You wanted to find yourself again?

— Yes. I still wasn't healed. But I had changed my thinking, and I was really ready to be healed. So one night, when my stomach was no longer able to retain anything at all, my family called a Christian Science practitioner to pray for me. I felt a change almost immediately, and I was healed within three weeks. I truly came to understand that I didn't need to conform to fashion-imposed standards or stuff like that to be happy. My happiness and my health didn't depend on my physical appearance. Happiness comes from the qualities we express, such as joy, a good disposition, or a sense of humor. These qualities come from God. So we all have them, and they're what make us really happy.

Herald: And now you eat normally?

—Yes, and I've taken up gymnastics again. Now, after practice. I'm hungry! I feel great! I've also realized that anorexia is exactly like a drug. At the beginning, you're promised something very attractive: beauty, then happiness. Instead, you get caught up in a complicated web that is difficult to escape from and, to top it all off, also makes you unhappy and dependent. It's not something material, like a drug, that will bring you joy. It's the spiritual qualities you express. Then beauty appears!

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