HOW A MOMENT OF LIGHT RESCUED ME FROM DEPRESSION

Carol Rockhold Miller

Driving home from the memorial service for a friend who had committed suicide, I was feeling a range of emotions—shock, sadness, and confusion about whether I could have said or done anything to help.

I, too, had been feeling desperate with no way out. The thought that leaving this life was an option had crossed my mind, but I knew that it probably wouldn't solve anything for me or for those I cared for. Nevertheless, emptiness and unhappiness hung over me. Another friend had also recently taken her own life, and many people I knew were facing depression and meaninglessness.

As I turned the corner, the beauty of the sun glinting off the autumn-colored trees took my breath away. I saw so clearly that whatever problems had overwhelmed my friend, they couldn't be worth missing something as glorious as this New England day. In that moment, I promised myself to keep my concerns in better perspective and not be deprived of delighting in the many ways God's goodness and love were manifested in everyday life.

The next morning I was consciously grateful for my home, a shower, and even warm water. Since then I have been buoyed by the wonder and joy in every evidence of God's grace. My daily study of the Bible and Science and Health took on new sweetness as I applied the truths I was reading to the smallest details of each day.

Gratitude and a conscious awareness of God's presence, moment by moment, helped me to begin finding solutions to problems I had been facing. Although there was no dramatic change in the challenges I faced, I found spiritual joy in feeling near to God and in turning my thought to Him constantly throughout my days. As I did this consistently, it took less effort and became more natural, and I felt an upswelling joy—a joy not dependent on persons or circumstances.

I learned that day that there is always another way to look at life challenges. We can stand back from the details of the confusing and frightening situation, with all of its personalities and complications, and acknowledge God's presence and love right there, and witness the many evidences of that love. This ever-new joy has been one of my greatest blessings since that crisp, sunny morning years ago.

Carol Rockhold Miller
New York, New York

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