What I’ve learned about hooking up
I was intrigued by the concept of “hooking up” because it was what all my friends were doing. At the time, it seemed to me that hooking up took a level of confidence and vulnerability that I admired, and I wanted to experience that. So I started having a casual sexual relationship with a friend. He seemed “safe,” since I had no romantic feelings for him, and we were clear from the outset that it was casual.
At first, I felt confident and thought the experience was empowering. It was exciting to receive attention and appreciation in this way, and I felt in control of the situation. Still, I had a feeling deep down that substantial or lasting good wasn’t going to come from casual physical intimacy.
Part of what made me feel in control was that I didn’t feel a deep level of care for this friend. But I hadn’t considered how this relationship might be affecting him. He told me he didn’t like the way our interactions made him feel because it didn’t seem like I had the level of interest in and care for him that he wanted. I wanted to be kind, so I responded by showing more care for him and taking more interest in him.
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