Article July 11, 1988 Issue

"The sweet amenities of Love"

Does etiquette have a place in Christianity? The author shares some discoveries she has made about social graces and the graces of Spirit.

Elaine R. Follis

I Grew up in the United States in the sixties, a time when social amenities were not much in vogue among my peers, although I learned about them at home. Now, twenty years later, times certainly have changed! I am constantly amazed when I read magazine and newspaper articles describing the popularity of books and courses on etiquette, some aimed at children, some at young business people and even at professional athletes.

The school where I teach has a program to help students learn table manners. Members of the staff and faculty host small groups at a formally served meal, explain at least the rudiments of the social graces, and answer questions that arise.

This program had never been high on my list of professional responsibilities! I felt as though, by participating, I was encouraging people to go along with the current trend of dressing or behaving for "success," defined in terms of money, position, or prestige. I didn't enjoy these sessions; feelings of stiffness and artificiality often accompanied the etiquette discussions. When concerns about "correct" social behavior occupied thought, I invariably felt awkward and inadequate. So, recently when the occasion arose once more for me to participate in this program, I decided it was time to gain a more spiritual perspective on the whole issue of manners.

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