Many of us were raised in an era when love and romance went hand in hand. Movies fantasized the emotions between men and women, making it seem as though physical attraction were glamorous, mysterious, totally blissful, and resulted automatically in everlasting happiness. The trend today is more realistic. In fact, many are disillusioned by the illusory nature of "happy-ever-after." Increasingly there is need for a closer examination of this thing we call "love."

Some of us may remember a play that dubbed the boy-meets-girl-and-falls-in-love cycle "the tender trap." The initial excitement and wonder of being "in love" can, and often does, lead to a still deeper and permanent relationship. This can only happen, though, if the companionship is based on deeper and more lasting feeling than mere romantic attraction. Real companionship would include unselfishness, patience, understanding, forgiveness, faithfulness, and mutual appreciation—that is, respect. Without these enduring qualities as a foundation, the fate of the romantic attachment is usually boredom or misery.

In the light of Christian Science, we can stay clear of the snare of mere self-centered physical attraction, or affection based on a false foundation, and thus spare ourselves untold agonies and regret.

Human affection is a valid and helpful quality when it springs from pure, unselfish goodness, and when it strives to benefit and support others while trusting them to God's direction. Such affection always blesses the one who is expressing it, as well as those upon whom it rests. It respects the Commandments, which are not only corrective but protective. Christ Jesus summarized the Commandments and the law in the words of Scripture: "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind," and "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." ^{Matt. 22:37, 39;} Referring to the absolute, spiritual significance of Jesus' first command, Mrs. Eddy writes, "This command includes much, even the surrender of all merely material sensation, affection, and worship." ^{Science and Health, p. 9;}

How do we determine the source and quality of whatever emotion we may be feeling? Searching questions are a help: How heavily does it rely on the physical? Does it stem from, and encourage, love for God and all mankind? Or is it narrow, perhaps idealizing and idolizing another person rather than recognizing good as a divinely reflected quality that can be shared but never possessed personally? Our affection for others should include a desire to be reflecting God's love for His creation impersonally to all mankind. Then it will be reflected back to us in increased measure, and this is a proper moral atmosphere in which to develop wholesome and lasting relationships.

But what can we do when the initial attraction is wholly sensual, or when the attraction is between people who are already married to others and thus not morally free to pursue the relationship? Disobedience to the commandments forbidding adultery and covetousness can bring only pain and sorrow to all concerned. Both of these situations, if allowed to develop, lead to such disobedience. And they threaten the participants with loss of self-respect and of real happiness. Mrs. Eddy tells us: "The sinner has no refuge from sin, except in God, who is his salvation. We must, however, realize God's presence, power, and love, in order to be saved from sin. This realization takes away man's fondness for sin and his pleasure in it; and, lastly, it removes the pain which accrues to him from it." ^{Unity of Good, p. 2;}

In any situation the mortal suggestion that something exists besides God's allness—whether it's sickness, sin, mental or physical lack, lust, an unhappy home, or a difficult marriage—is one we must be sure we are not fooled into believing. We must understand that God, good, is the only power and refuse to waver from this standpoint. God, our loving Father-Mother, does not place us in impossible, immoral, or harmful situations, and there is no other power. Contending firmly for this point will break the mesmerism, and mesmerism is what would tempt us to do what we know is unwise and wrong.

Error always begins in thought, and the quality of the thoughts we are entertaining will determine what actions we take. By watching what is coming to thought and replacing sensual, wrong suggestions with the truth of man as God's idea, we will be purified, and temptation will not be able to gain a foothold.

What is it that seems to place people in these situations? Nothing real or powerful. Evil, alias mortal mind in various guises, would always deprive us of our real identity and obscure our spiritual consciousness and progress. If we can be sidetracked or derailed by the false blandishments of personal sense and self, evil may then appear to have gained a victory and to have circumvented our Father's protection and continual unfoldment of good for us.

In the absolute sense this cannot happen to man, but we need to hold to this absolute sense if we are to gain the wisdom and strength to refuse to believe in the possibility of finding lasting happiness, peace, or progress from any falsely-based attraction. Otherwise we can be misled by an attraction based only on physicality, and this inevitably means a time of reckoning, of remorse and mental torment, until we have suffered enough from our mistaken sense to release it and are at last willing to say to God, "Not my will, but thine, be done." ^{Luke 22:42;} It is a fact that every discordant situation—physical or mental—brings us all eventually to this point. Then we are ready to be comforted by the mother love of God, healed of our wounds, and helped to go forward with a truer, purer understanding, strengthened to wage a more effective fight on the side of reality, that is, our complete perfection as a child of divine Principle, Truth, and Life.

No one can be crushed or hurt by discovering that such attractions are unreal. Nor can we lose an iota of spiritual good by our obedience to divine law. People involved in immoral relationships are asleep under a spell, with evil claiming to think and act for them. The errors behind these emotions must be exposed. What may seem beautiful and meaningful in daydreams is clearly seen as selfish and self-centered when honestly faced. But it must then be promptly and firmly denied identity as you or me or anyone. It must be seen as the adversary, the serpent, hiding the immutable fact of our spiritual identity.

Jesus rejected every attempt to place the mantle of human adoration on himself, saying, "Why callest thou me good? there is none good but one, that is, God." ^{Matt. 19:17;} Good intentions without spiritual understanding are not enough. "Animal magnetism, in its ascending steps of evil, entices its victim by unseen, silent arguments," Mrs. Eddy writes. "Reversing the modes of good, in their silent allurements to health and holiness, it impels mortal mind into error of thought, and tempts into the committal of acts foreign to the natural inclinations." ^{The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 211.} Realizing the wisdom in these words of Mrs. Eddy's should help us recognize the unreliable nature of mortal feelings and assist in our stand to be unmoved by alluring illusions.

Everyone, as God's reflection, is a beautiful, whole, spiritual identity, and this truth cannot be despoiled, defiled, or destroyed. We need to guard our awareness of these facts carefully and wisely.

If we trust God to bring us everything good and worthwhile, we'll discover how much He really loves us; and we'll never regret having agreed to disagree with sense and sin, alias self-will. We must choose between the freedom to reflect the divine Life in our human living and the power for peace and progress this includes, or the bondage of personal sense, suffering, and sorrow. Seen truly, is there really any contest? Is there any gratification that can compare with the joys of spiritual growth? Through enlightened conscience each individual knows the right answer. And once that answer is faced, Love, in its correcting and healing office, will remove all insinuations against our true being; it will dissolve slavery to sensual desires. We will gain the ability to do right, and we will demonstrate true bliss, as well as lasting and loving relationships that thrive within the framework of the moral law.