For a number of years after coming into Christian Science,...

For a number of years after coming into Christian Science, I was compelled to earn my own living. I had been brought up in a home of plenty, and had scarcely been put to the necessity of thinking for myself. Being practically without funds, and without knowledge of any trade whatever, it was a very uphill journey, especially as nervousness and self-depreciation continually tried to assert themselves.

This state of thought was strongly manifested in my circumstances, bringing lack and limitation in everything I turned to. I felt a great responsibility, took it all on my own shoulders, and could not seem to let go or find any lasting peace. I longed to trust God, and to feel—as I had heard others testify of feeling—His loving care; but I had been brought up in a denominational church, and seemed to be possessed with the thought that God's way was a hard way, and that if I left things to Him, I should be put into positions which would not be congenial, and should have to go through every kind of suffering, in order to be chastened and purified. In other words, I had a great fear that I should not be happy. So I kept on in my own way, constantly changing from one position to another, picking and choosing for myself,—ever looking for peace and harmony, but never finding them. I did not then realize the truth of Mrs. Eddy's words in "Miscellaneous Writings" (p. 117): "God is the fountain of light, and He illumines one's way when one is obedient. The disobedient make their moves before God makes His, or make them too late to follow Him." Such was the case with me. After a time, however, I manifested a greater sense of supply, through my own growth in Christian Science and my great desire to reflect divine Love; but still there was no stability in my circumstances, and nothing thoroughly harmonious.

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Testimony of Healing
It is with a heart overflowing with gratitude that I thank...
March 24, 1923
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