Testimony of Healing March 24, 1923 Issue

For a number of years after coming into Christian Science,...

Beatrice Boucher Brady

For a number of years after coming into Christian Science, I was compelled to earn my own living. I had been brought up in a home of plenty, and had scarcely been put to the necessity of thinking for myself. Being practically without funds, and without knowledge of any trade whatever, it was a very uphill journey, especially as nervousness and self-depreciation continually tried to assert themselves.

This state of thought was strongly manifested in my circumstances, bringing lack and limitation in everything I turned to. I felt a great responsibility, took it all on my own shoulders, and could not seem to let go or find any lasting peace. I longed to trust God, and to feel—as I had heard others testify of feeling—His loving care; but I had been brought up in a denominational church, and seemed to be possessed with the thought that God's way was a hard way, and that if I left things to Him, I should be put into positions which would not be congenial, and should have to go through every kind of suffering, in order to be chastened and purified. In other words, I had a great fear that I should not be happy. So I kept on in my own way, constantly changing from one position to another, picking and choosing for myself,—ever looking for peace and harmony, but never finding them. I did not then realize the truth of Mrs. Eddy's words in "Miscellaneous Writings" (p. 117): "God is the fountain of light, and He illumines one's way when one is obedient. The disobedient make their moves before God makes His, or make them too late to follow Him." Such was the case with me. After a time, however, I manifested a greater sense of supply, through my own growth in Christian Science and my great desire to reflect divine Love; but still there was no stability in my circumstances, and nothing thoroughly harmonious.

One day, a loving Christian Science practitioner tried to impress on me that I was following my own human will; that I only had to "let go," and I would come into my birthright of good. I thought over this a great deal; and during a physical difficulty, when it seemed necessary for me to remain in bed a short time, I decided that once and for all time I would cast aside every fear, including my own human will and my own thought as to what was best for me, and would follow wholly God's directing, trusting and knowing that all would be well. When I was able to be about again, I was entirely without funds; but "man's extremity is God's opportunity." A place was already found for me, at least for the time being. I spent several happy weeks visiting a sister, then a brother, keeping very close to God and to the study of Mrs. Eddy's writings. Then came another invitation, from some friends in a small village in Canada. I stayed with these friends several weeks, and began to wonder what God had for me to do. Still there seemed no direct leading. During this time, the temptation came to doubt that I could receive any direct message. How would I know it was not my own will again? I determined to make no move until I was perfectly sure. My friends asked me to remain for the winter. Nearly five months passed; then something occurred with them which made me sure it was right to make a move. That very day I was led to a Christian Science practitioner; and after talking with her, my thought became perfectly clear. Love supplied all my needs; and I came straight to New York. The leading was very plain; all I had to do was to follow. It led me to an office through which I immediately obtained a very harmonious position, and where I was also enabled to do much good.

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