Seven years ago I stood in the consulting-room of a noted...

Seven years ago I stood in the consulting-room of a noted physician, listening to the following verdict: "I cannot pass you for mission work in Madagascar as you desire. You could not stand the journey, or the climate; under the most favorable conditions your life cannot be prolonged beyond seven years, and it may end suddenly at any moment." I went in silence out into the street, feeling that of all the weary ones who trod its pavement there surely was none more lonely than I. Of those I loved some had lately passed on, and others I had lost by that which sunders more completely than death itself. That I was among the unwanted, I realized most keenly; that I did not yield to the temptation of self-destruction, which often assailed me, was I think through fear of physical suffering. I had no love of life, but so long as life went on I determined to make the best of it. "Glad would I live, and glad would die," but how glad to die none can know but those who bear the weariness of the flesh with no hope of relief. Pain I always hated, and I strove against it with all my might; but beyond this I never looked, and took each day as itt came, loving intensely the sunshine and clouds, the trees and flowers. I made new friends, and dwelt more and more in my own thoughts. My greatest trial was my failing sight, with terrible headaches. Knowing them to be a feature of my case I bore them badly and hopelessly enough, but I strove to make no moan. My cottage home and lovely garden had grown very dear to me, and I had a fuller measure of earthly love in the life which I now lived than is granted to most women, but each spring I thought would surely be the last.

At last a copy of the Christian Science Sentinel was sent to me, and the truth it taught seemed to be mine at once. I was a great reader and thinker, and the spiritual world was so real to me that most religious teachers of all faiths had long seemed to me to be but simply repeating old truths which I had known since childhood, and for some time I had read and reread the life of Christ as my one unfailing guide. It may perhaps seem strange that one of a deeply religious turn of thought should ever be tempted to self-destruction, but it was my intense desire "to depart and be with Christ," as well as the weariness of mortal existence that made me look in at the gate of death with longing eyes. As I read the Sentinel I saw a woman who was before me on the road, who stood in the light of life while I stood in the twilight shadows of approaching death. I read and reread "Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures," for it was a spiritual revelation to me. To me it was not death but life, and life was the gift of God through Christ Jesus; not a patient preparation for death, but a joyous living here and now. I saw that this life could be ours only by a conscious withdrawal from all fear of evil or its power, and a conscious dwelling with God now. Then sin, sickness, and death were nothing either to fear or dwell upon. I put forth my hand and took the gift, and thanked God for the woman who showed me the way.

For months I have had no headache, although until Christian Science came to me I had hardly known for many years what it was to wake in the morning without a sense of pain in my head, which became more acute as time went on. I can read now without weariness, which is a great joy, and I am stronger than for years past. Recently I went to the dentist and had teeth out with no fear and hardly any pain, though I had suffered tortures on previous visits, as I could take no anesthetic. Some time ago a great and unexpected blow fell on me suddenly, without a moment's warning. It was not only a serious loss, but it revealed such an environment of hatred and cruelty as I had never deemed possible. In the first moment of shock I found myself trembling so that I could not stand, but I quickly realized that nothing could hurt me except my own anger. I sat down quietly, and while all around me was in a tumult I took up a Sentinel which was lying on the table and tried to read. At first my sight was blurred; but I read on, and soon the trembling ceased and I was able to calm and strengthen those around me. For a few days my heart troubled me, but I held fast to the thought that though to outward sense evil had triumphed, yet I could by God's grace rise above the dark clouds which had gathered round me, into the sunshine of the divine presence,—above all that treachery and injustice could do to me. I was able to sleep peacefully and with quiet confidence trust my future plans to Love's guidance, knowing that all would work for good if I but loved God. Had I not known the truth of Christian Science I believe the blow would have killed me, but I was unscathed, and feared no evil.

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Testimony of Healing
Christian Science came to me as the light that shineth...
June 3, 1911

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