Article October 27, 2003 ISSUE

What death can never take away

By Richard Bergenheim

When I Was Growing Up, The Christian Science Monitor often carried in its Home Forum section a short feature highlighted by a small sundial. Underneath was the simple inscription, "I record only the sunny hours." It's interesting how something like that sticks in one's memory. Over the last few years as I've dealt with the passing of close friends, that sundial has given me good counsel.

The passing of family members and dear friends brings out a complex range of emotions in people—a mixture of grief, loneliness, anger, guilt, helplessness, fear. Some people go through a long siege of darkness. Others rise above these feelings more quickly but find that a special day or anniversary or holiday, or simply a quiet night, can trigger a sudden surge of sorrow and loss. We go through this privately sometimes, and from time to time we are aware that people around us are also wrestling with these dark shadows. In our hearts we yearn to help, but too often we are at a loss to know what to say—what will be helpful.