Article March 2, 1998 Issue

Don't be offended

When you refuse to react to another's anger, you're in control of more than your own temper.

By Marian Cates

A friend served as a shining example for me. She had heard from a reliable source that a colleague with whom she works closely had been complaining about the quality of her work, but my friend refused to be offended. That her colleague could have complained was shocking to me because I'd seen how diligently my friend had been working over the past few weeks, with a heavy and difficult caseload. So I started to get offended for her!

But she stopped me. She said she was going to give her colleague the benefit of the doubt—maybe the remarks had been misunderstood as criticism when they were merely part of an outburst of frustration.

Her calmness calmed me. And impressed me. Suddenly I began to see the situation her way. By the time she and I parted, I was as convinced as she that the whole thing was a misunderstanding that would soon be put right.

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