Testimony of Healing April 11, 1994 Issue

Many years ago, after an unhappy divorce, I was given custody...

Name withheld

Many years ago, after an unhappy divorce, I was given custody of my two children. When the older one became too difficult for me to handle, I agreed he could live with his father through the end of the school year. (His father lived in an area where the public schools were acknowledged to be above average, whereas I lived where they had the opposite reputation.)

My ex-husband reported that our son had settled down and made a remarkable turnaround in his behavior and grades. I then agreed to allow him to remain with his father. A few months later, his father wanted me to release our daughter as well, in order that the children could be together. She had been doing very well in school, got along happily with the sitter, and we had a loving homelife, so this was extremely difficult for me to accept. I had a severe struggle with myself as I tried to put my own feelings aside so she might have a more complete sense of home. It took about eight months before I finally agreed. Then when this was accomplished, their father further felt that, in the interest of the children's relationship to their new stepmother and the harmony of their family, I should not have contact with either of the children anymore. After much turmoil on my part, and acrimony on both sides, I consented.

A period of about fifteen years followed in which I struggled with waves of depression and guilt, accompanied by searing headaches. I would break down in tears at any place, at any time, if I saw children the age of mine. I prayed as best I could as a Christian Scientist, but the extreme heaviness and nagging feeling of worthlessness stubbornly persisted.

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