Testimony of Healing July 25, 1983 Issue

For most of my early life, I was searching—searching for a place...

KERNENE BUDD SHICKLER

For most of my early life, I was searching—searching for a place, searching for identity, searching for truth, searching for good. I knew there was a God, but where He was I didn't know. I literally traveled around the world looking for answers in people, places, and things. The incessant amusement of "self" dominated my existence. For many years I depended on drugs and alcohol to "alter my consciousness," to make me feel that I belonged. In desperation I petitioned God daily for help; I was too tired to go on alone.

First I sought aid in the traditional religion I had known as a child. Then I looked for comfort in self-help groups. While participating in these groups I found out about Christian Science. A student of Science I met at this time agreed to help me through prayer and also took me to visit a Christian Science Reading Room where I read the Bible Lesson from the Christian Science Quarterly. Although I barely understood a word, I knew in my heart this was the truth; this was the answer to my prayers. And I recognized that there was no way out of my dilemma except to see that, in reality, I had never been in it. Mrs. Eddy says in Science and Health (p. 63): "In Science man is the offspring of Spirit. The beautiful, good, and pure constitute his ancestry. ... Spirit is his primitive and ultimate source of being; God is his Father, and Life is the law of his being."

About six months later the temptation returned and I started smoking marijuana again. During these months, however, I'd been studying Science myself. And so the false belief that some material object could bring comfort and fulfillment was discarded—replaced by the knowledge that as God's idea I lacked nothing. As His reflection, I already had the purpose I was searching for. The marijuana smoking stopped for good and so did the drinking and use of other drugs.

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