Turning Points In Spiritual Growth May 6, 2019 Issue

My pastor lifted me out of darkness

Linda Berckmann

The nights were the worst. The moment my head hit the pillow painful memories of past bad decisions came to life, along with self-condemnation and sadness. I felt doomed to live through this nightly barrage of memories, constantly asking myself what I could have done differently. Not only did this ruminating over the past keep me up at night, it affected my life choices. Low self-esteem had kept me from challenging myself to my fullest at school and in my career, and an overwhelming sense of unworthiness had kept me hiding from growth opportunities and healthy relationships.

During these years I spent considerable time talking to God, though—afraid of what I might hear—I wasn’t really listening for answers. Thankfully, ideas I had learned growing up in Christian Science had stayed with me—for instance, that God is my divine Father and Mother, and that God knows me, will always know me, as His, Her, spiritually perfect and innocent child, worthy and free from sadness.

Ideas such as these were my anchor during these difficult times. Yet I struggled with how to make them practical in my life. Finally, after reaching a particularly dark point, I turned to my childhood pastor, the pastor of Christian Science: the Bible, together with Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy. There I found answers.

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