Through the fire

As I listened to my first Christian Science church service, I remember thinking, “I’m in heaven.” However, it would be many years before I would gain a higher spiritual understanding of Christian Science and make it my own. I’d spent many years prior to this afraid of God, a prisoner of my own theological and astrological beliefs. I was on a search for something to free me from a life that had become my worst nightmare—a kind of hell in and of itself.

Growing up, I went to church regularly, and it had always been my opinion that most pastors were devout, holy messengers sent from God. I thought they had certain mystical powers. When my pastor gave the sermon each week, he delivered it with a great sense of power and tireless energy. The sermons he preached instilled an abiding sense that God would deliver me from trials—but by the same token, I feared God would also condemn me to horrible things if I did not listen and be obedient. I soon became disillusioned with pastors and religion in general. In the end, I went on a long hiatus from church.

August 22, 2011
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