Article May 17, 2010 Issue

WHAT IT MEANS TO 'BE THE BEST'

BY MARILYN WICKSTROM

I USED TO THINK that success came from being better than anyone else. As I was growing up, my confidence and self-esteem were based on feeling rewarded and praised for my achievements. I judged myself according to status, and I was in a constant state of inner turmoil as I strove to feel significant by continually comparing myself with others.

Years of accolades reinforced my self-confidence and artificially satisfied an underlying need for self-respect. But as time went by and after raising my children, I found myself looking back instead of ahead. My relationships with others depended on my feeling important, and I found that my children no longer needed my advice. I felt that the goals I used to work for were either uprooted, already achieved, or forgotten.