FOR ME CHRISTIAN SCIENCE Primary class instruction fanned to full flame a quiet ember, present since childhood when I first began to love the Bible's promise of healing. This instruction revealed the healing Christ, God's message of love. I felt alive with the mission to be a spiritual healer.

Then for ten years I learned to practice, without being intimidated by symptoms of disease, the compassionate care of the sick as a Christian Science nurse. What a fulfilling experience. Over time, however, I knew I was being moved toward the role of Christian Science practitioner. Still, there were obstacles. First of all, I had financial responsibilities. And then, I wasn't completely sure I was ready to be a healer, or even able to heal every case that came to me.

Other peoples' opinions had always influenced me. So when questions about my readiness came up, I began to doubt myself. But the words to the hymn, "Heavenward," from the Christian Science Hymnal helped me find an answer to that concern. The hymn begins, "I love Thy way of freedom, Lord, / To serve Thee is my choice" (Violet Hay, No. 136). The words "serve Thee is my choice" made me realize that my readiness was about my commitment, not what others thought. I saw, too, that God's voice alone would guide me every step.

Soon our family was unexpectedly free of a large monthly expense. At that point I left my job and devoted myself to the healing practice. But I still found I had more to learn.

Calls for help did come, people were healed, and I began to earn a living wage. At that point I felt ready to apply for advertising in The Christian Science Journal. This was an important time of spiritual growth for me—and not without its challenges.

One night, I called a practitioner to pray with me because I'd begun to experience severe symptoms of walking pneumonia and feared for my life. At the same time I found this marginal heading in Science and Health: "Christian standard." And there I read, "When it is learned that disease cannot destroy life, and that mortals are not saved from sin or sickness by death, this understanding will quicken into newness of life." Mary Baker Eddy continued on the same page, "The relinquishment of all faith in death and also of the fear of its sting would raise the standard of health and morals far beyond its present elevation, and would enable us to hold the banner of Christianity aloft with unflinching faith in God, in Life eternal" (p. 426).

Right then it occurred to me that the fear I was feeling had nothing to do with an actual condition of disease. Rather, it pointed to a latent fear that I would have a case in my spiritual practice that I wouldn't be able to heal, because my practice of truth wouldn't be ideal or meet the "standard" of Christian Science. So I prayed anew that night, until I felt convinced that fear, because not from God, could never make me flinch again.

Soon the fear was gone, and I immediately felt a greater confidence in the power of God to heal any situation than I'd ever felt before. That very night I was healed of the illness.

Then, a few days later, I heard from the first patient I'd ever treated, someone I'd briefly prayed with years before but hadn't spoken with since. She explained that she'd felt ashamed to tell me at the time we'd prayed together (about an entirely different issue) that she'd been a chain-smoker. She said she now no longer felt reluctant to tell me she'd been instantaneously healed of that smoking habit.

Then, I was called to treat an accident victim, who was healed of serious back and head injuries within two days as a result of prayer.

To me, those two healings gave proof of these words from the same hymn quoted above: "I hear Thy promise old and new, / That bids all fear to cease." God's old, yet new, promise of healing was proof to me that I was ready—had been all along—to be a Christian Science practitioner. The next week I received confirmation that my application to advertise in the Journal had been accepted. That was in 1992.

Facing down these fears early on has rewarded me with confidence, ready guidance, abundant provision, and spiritual authority. To serve God is a choice that I make joyfully, every day. css