A few years ago I felt mired in decisions that were changing the course of my life. But through prayer and increased reliance on God, I began to see a continuity of good.

After more than three decades of marriage, my husband announced he was filing for divorce. My first reactions were fear, shock, rage, and panic. Although we'd suffered various difficulties in our marriage, and I did think from time to time it might come to this, I knew deep down that my husband was a good man, and we'd built a life together based on common interests and shared values.

I was 58 years old at the time and had taken early retirement from a job I loved in order to travel with my husband, believing that our combined pensions and savings would easily permit this new lifestyle. Our home was fully paid for, and I'd thought that we were ready to reap the benefits of a lifetime of hard work and wise saving. But now, faced with divorce, I felt that this turn of events was going to leave me in financial ruin. It seemed that retiring early had been a mistake.

In our state, the law required an equalization of assets, which meant that in addition to losing the ability to live with both of our pensions, I had to transfer one quarter of my tax sheltered annuity into my husband's fund. Also, I had to give him the full cash value of one half of our house, which meant I had to take out a mortgage. Although I'd be OK financially in deciding to keep the house, I knew I'd have to cut back on my expenses, and without a job I wondered how I'd manage.

The logical thing to do was to go straight back to work. But since I'd been a teacher all of my adult life, I was well aware that being rehired at my level of experience and education would be difficult; it would require a school district to pay far more than most would be able to afford.

But I did feel there was an answer and that God would help lead me to feeling secure again, despite the bad timing of my retirement.

I'd practiced Christian Science all of my life and had many indications that prayer was effective, including a quick healing of acute appendicitis during pregnancy, and I'd often followed divine guidance concerning decision making and finances. So I phoned a Christian Science practitioner to support me through prayer. We stayed in frequent contact.

Each day for many months I turned wholeheartedly to God, divine Love, and spent hours reading the Bible, Science and Health, and the Christian Science periodicals. Because my problems seemed so many and so overwhelming, I often said to myself, "I will concentrate only on getting to know God better." Although I did have to cut my spending way down during this time, I was blessed to be able to stay in my own home and still pay all the bills. In the evenings, I'd sit on the patio before supper and establish a mental stillness, simply appreciationg the beauty of God's creation. The TV and radio stayed off for many months, and I found the garden to be an enriching place for prayer. These times, along with God's messages, helped keep me on track.

From the start of my marriage, I thought I'd done everything possible to be the ideal wife and mother. Yet I knew that I had faults and had made mistakes, too. I humbly asked God, as divine Truth, to bring to light my missteps, past and present, and asked that this process wouldn't be too painful for me and would include a way to make amends and achieve character changes for the better. It was astonishing what that uncovered! Suddenly, I could look at some of the things I'd done and said from another's point of view, and learned new lessons about reflecting God's unconditional love. Every time another awakening came to me, I felt a greater calm and ability to forgive my husband and others for their mistakes as well. I was also learning that Christian Science does not change reality; it uncovers spiritual reality. And my prayers could help me understand that this universal, God-governed reality applied to everyone.

Sometimes in my darkest moments of fear for my well-being, especially at night, I held on to my Bible and Science and Health and thought, "Even if I can't prove all the truths contained in these books right now, I am positive that the reality of God, His goodness, His Allness, and His care for me is true, and I will increasingly see it. I will someday be able to share this healing with others."

Over the course of about a year I felt an increased sense of hope for the future. My children were loving and supportive towards both my husband and me, and so were all of our friends. I encouraged my children, who were grown, not to take sides and to continue their loving relationship with their father. In fact, my husband and I were always able to attend family events without awkwardness.

After a while, I even came to feel that the law was fair, and that my husband should be entitled to one half of the value of our house, savings, and combined pensions. The basis for this came from something I appreciated in Science and Health: "Love is impartial and universal in its adaptations and bestowals" (p.13). This assurance of God's good plan for both of us saved me from being tempted to feel resentment in any way.

After our divorce was final, the principal of my former school asked me to substitute for a teacher on maternity leave. I was soon back, although at the lowest possible pay. However I was very grateful and enjoyed the experience. An additional benefit was that I had, several times during my teaching career, been offered higher paying jobs in the business world. Often I had wondered if it had been a mistake not to accept these offers. Now back at teaching, I realized that I loved every aspect of being a teacher, and it was wonderfully freeing to feel that I really had experienced the perfect use of my talents.

Then the next summer, one week before school started, I got a phone call from a teacher in another district asking if I'd teach her classes part time. I accepted the job, knowing it would help someone in need. However, the job grew to involve more classes, and soon I found myself teaching full time. A contract was drawn up, and I received the same pay that the other teacher had been contracted for.

Eventually I was offered a position to teach full time the following year, at a salary that matched my experience and education level. Also I realized that there was catch-up provision in the tax sheltered annuity program, and asked the school to deduct money from my pay and contribute it to my annuity. All this was legally permissible. This greatly restored what I had transferred out of my account.

All resentment and fear had faded away to nothing. My ex-husband eventually met a woman whom my children and friends loved. And I was able to find such freedom that one day I called her to say I was very grateful that my ex was happy and that my children had such a good relationship with her. In God's eyes, there had never been an irreversible mistake.

Gratefully, I remembered only the wonderful parts of my marriage. And what about my conviction, during those toughest times, that one day I would share this healing with others?

Well, now that has happened, too.

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