RITA POLATIN OF SENTINEL RADIO TALKS WITH MARIVIC MABANAG

RITA: Marivic, you were the former Executive Director for the California State Domestic Violence Coalition, and you also serve as policy advisor to organizations that help confront and overcome domestic and youth violence. So can you just begin by telling me what types of things you've done over the years to help put an end to domestic violence?

MARIVIC: Sure, Rita. In my over-25-year career, I've been particularly involved with policy and legislation. My work has involved both government institutions and nongovernmental organizations. Currently I serve as the CEO for the National Safe Child Coalition, and we are working with protecting children and parents who have been involved in domestic abuse.

RITA: What do you think, then, are some of the most important issues to address to help overcome domestic violence, and how have you prayed about them?

MARIVIC: Well, domestic violence is a very complex problem. Violence emerges from multiple personal, social, and economic causes, and violence reduction requires multifaceted efforts. I think to distill that complexity and to break it down, there may be three areas that workers in of domestic violence are looking at.

The first is what's called primary prevention—stopping violence before it occurs. This means stopping first-time victimization and first-time perpetration. And the second area is really about how we change our approach to domestic violence prevention and elimination. Traditionally, this has been done through a criminal justice approach. Now we've entered into what we call the public health approach. It's looking at a more holistic approach to domestic violence prevention.

RITA: And by holistic you mean really looking at the whole person and the whole situation?

MARIVIC: Exactly, because domestic violence is systemic—meaning it takes place in a system that allows, and even contributes to, this violence. This system can include virtually all of our society's sectors, such as education, health, government, law enforcement, religion, family, media, and other institutions. We need to involve good men, and engage men and boys to be part of the solution.

But I think the third and final area is, where does the spiritual perspective come in? As a Christian Scientist, I consider myself a spiritual thinker and activist, and to me, that means I'm a change agent working for God. So in praying about this kind of work, I first begin looking at how each of us is created in the image and likeness of God. And in that image of God, there is really no victim or abuser. But that spiritual, ultimate reality is something that we need to see more clearly in our everyday life.

So what can we each contribute to lift the thinking around this kind of issue, lift someone else's thinking, lift the view they have of themselves?

The second thing is, I think that as one of the leaders in this work, as a change agent for God, I also really pray for inspiration when I have to advise other groups. I pray asking, What is God revealing to me and to everyone? What is God revealing to us right now, regarding peace, harmony in people's lives, and in our community?

RITA: So turning to God is really your starting point, and knowing that He's in control of the situation?

MARIVIC: It's interesting when you say "in control." Domestic violence is described as the use of power and control by one person over an intimate partner. So one of the things we need to really look at—and this would be helpful for batterers—is to know the spiritual fact that God is in control of our lives. That's the first thing we need to recognize, because then we're not having to control a human mind.

RITA: Since that control, then, is always for the good of everyone, it takes a lot of that fear and frustration and upset out of the equation.

MARIVIC: Right, exactly. The spiritual perspective is so crucial. Violence is a learned behavior, so it can be unlearned. Violence is also a road that people have taken, a choice they've made. We can pray for spiritual solutions, really lifting thought up and knowing that people can make the right choices. It's unnatural to be violent. It's natural to be good, loving, because that's how we were created by God.

RITA: Do you have any specific experiences where you've prayed about a situation that involved domestic abuse and then you've seen some results?

MARIVIC: Yes, definitely. I feel that, first of all, Christian Science gives me major grounding. I go to work and try to be really spiritually prepared. This work is not easy, because you have to talk to victims, you have to talk to legislators. Because my area is mostly in policy and legislation, I first pray to understand unity and unanimity of purpose. That's what the nature of coalition work and what movement-building is about—bringing in different views, perspectives, approaches. And then the second thing is, I pray about timing. The timing of legislation is crucial.

The one thing that I want to share is a specific piece of legislation that I worked on. It's called SB1356, which is "Protections for domestic violence victims." SB1356 was signed into law by the Governor of California last year in 2008 and went into effect in January 2009. Unfortunately, domestic violence victims have sometimes been incarcerated for refusing to testify. Their refusal sometimes was based on fear for their lives.

Before this bill was passed, judicial officers had the authority to compel victims to testify against their batterers. So the group working on the legislation felt that by coercing the victims to testify, they are then re-victimized by the very institutions responsible for protecting them. And then incarcerating the victims may also dissuade other victims from coming forward to report these kinds of crimes.

We had to work on this bill for two years. I warned everyone involved that it was going to be a very tough battle because we would be up against those who would feel that we would be jeopardizing the results of a case. I really prayed about how we worked with opposition or people like district attorneys who might not agree.

So we worked hard, and the bill passed both houses on the state level. Eventually, the Governor of California had twelve days to sign this bill into law or to veto it. So those twelve days were going to be crucial. After a series of contacts and e-mails, I got a little bit concerned that things weren't moving, and I just continued to pray. And then I realized, Whoa, wait a minute! God does not bring us halfway, or even three-quarters of the way, to leave us stranded.

The next morning, I didn't get a call, so I called the Governor's office and they told me, "We are not at liberty to speak with you at this time." And then I realized, OK, I really have to pray some more.

I asked my office to hold all calls, and I just sat there at my desk. Everyone knew I was praying. And everyone said, "She's there praying; don't disturb her." This had been a statewide effort, so everyone knew that we were waiting for a major outcome.

RITA: After the two years of all that work, this was the day...?

MARIVIC: This was the day, exactly; this was the very moment. So I just sat there, and I really gained that sense of peace, and I thought, OK, "human justice shall pattern the divine." This is from a passage in Science and Health on page 542: "Let Truth uncover and destroy error in God's own way, and let human justice pattern the divine." I was sitting in my office, and I was really praying to understand this entire situation and know that how it would be resolved was up to God. I thought about how we are working for safety and justice toward victims, and then I realized that God's going to bring this entire situation to fruition.

For a while, because the opposition was so heavy, to tell you the truth, I had to really pray to love the people who were opposing us. It's not easy when your group feels attacked. And so I thought about that, too. They are also experts in this fields. I just thought, well, they are also doing their best for victims.

RITA: So you went back to seeing them as the perfect children of God, too, just like you had talked about earlier?

MARIVIC: Yeah, I just really had to begin to think that way, and to remove all feelings of animosity, and to remove all feelings of being attacked, to remove all feelings of, "Oh, this is a major contest and competition." And so in that moment—maybe that hour, or even half-hour—when I gained that sense of peace, when I knew, as it says in the Bible in Romans, "... love is the fulfilling of the law" (13:10), I thought OK, there will be a loving outcome. So I'm going to just sit here and wait for the call. Lo and behold, at about one o'clock in the afternoon, I get a phone call from the chief of staff of the author of the bill, and she's screaming into the telephone, "It's been chaptered!" That meant that the Governor signed the bill into law.

RITA: Wow.

MARIVIC: I was like, "Excuse me??" because I was in such a meditative mode, so to speak. And she said, "The Governor signed it into law. No one can believe it. We're all celebrating in our office." So the Governor issued his press statement, and the press statement contained all the things that I had written in a crucial e-mail to his office. It was an unbelievable victory for domestic violence victims and advocates. It was unprecedented. This was the first time a law such as this had been passed in the whole country. And even for the people who were still against, it, I felt that it then forced the domestic violence field to reach out more to prosectors. Prosectors need to work more closely with victims and victims' advocates, and this is going to be a testing ground of how to work better to ensure victims' safety at all times.

RITA: I like that. What you're really talking about there is everyone being on the same side—the side of good. You could say that you all really wanted one will, God's will, something good for everyone.

MARIVIC: Yes, I felt that it really forced me to look at how to really pray about opposing views, to really understand unity of purpose, like I said, a unity of togetherness for good.

RITA: Let's dive a little deeper into that. What are some of these spiritual truths or laws that we can start to study and understand better that will help us see that good really is in control—good being another name for God? What are some of these spiritual truths that you've learned over the years that really are the foundation for your approach?

MARIVIC: Well, one of the major things is in the Bible where Jesus says, "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). So we need to see that truth is a liberating factor in individual lives. This is true for both the victim and the batterer. Batterer intervention programs have failed in many, many instances. So we need to really see that the lives of individual batterers need to be transformed, to really bring about change. We need to hold batterers accountable for their actions and for what they have done because they have committed a crime. But beyond that, we need—especially if they get incarcerated—to really think about how we help them progress and have a true, spiritual transformation for themselves and for our society, so there can be genuine reform

RITA: So a lot of the programs and the prayers, then, really are for the batterers, too?

MARIVIC: The batterer needs to remove the label of "abuser" and unsee this about him/herself. If you continue to see yourself as a batterer, you will continue to batter. But if you then begin to see yourself as a peaceful, loving individual, a reflection of God, you will become a peaceful and loving individual. That's all you will express. Often, violence has been learned in family situations, in the institutions that people have lived in, and in troubling foster care situations. So the batterers have to remove the very labels that they or others have given them, and I think that that's where the spiritual perspective comes in. We can help people remove those labels, help them see themselves as God's perfect child. And that genuine reform comes from repentance and self-examination.

Each individual needs to really look higher, to lift their own thought, and say, "There is a better way for me to be." Both victims and batterers need to see that. Then they will say, "I no longer need to stay in this abusive situation. I no longer need to be abusing another fellow human being, a person that I have loved. Abuse is unnatural." That's why batterers also feel bad when they do it. Many are remorseful after abusing. They go through this whole cycle.

RITA: And that leads to my next question here. Many people stay in abusive relationships because their spouse says he or she will change. From a spiritual standpoint, what would be your advice to someone who is trying to decide if they should stay in an abusive situation?

MARIVIC: Well, first I would like to give anyone who is going through a domestic violence situation or a very difficult relationship, the reassurance that God, divine Love, is right there with you. You are not alone. God is holding you, so feel God's arms upholding you this very moment. You will hear God's voice and guidance.

I am a domestic violence survivor myself, and I have heard God's voice and guidance, when I needed to leave my own abusive situation. Leaving is often a process. Most victims leave and return several times, before they permanently leave an abusive relationship. So I think the second thing that I would tell someone is there's a wonderful passage in the Bible that is in Deuteronomy, and this is from the New International Version: "Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders" (33:12). I had to replace "him" with "her" in this passage, because I was thinking of myself, and other victims of domestic violence, since most of them are women.

So in trying to figure out whether to leave or not, first know that God is keeping you safe right now, every step of the way, so that you are guided towards the next step. God is going to give you that decision-making power and the wisdom to know what to do next.

When I had to make the decision to leave for good, it happened in a very quiet way. One day I just was at my computer at home, and realized, "Wow, my husband is not here." He was always home. He was going to be gone for four hours, and "a still small voice" as it says in the Bible [see I Kings 19:12], told me, "You can leave now." And within four hours I was able to leave my home, to marshal help from people to move my things out very quickly, and was able to find a place to stay that evening.

As I was leaving, I only had twelve dollars. Oh my gosh, Rita, I was so concerned. I was also hungry and knew I had a long drive, so I stopped at a fast-food place. I wanted to just get French fries, since I was concerned about having to spend money. So I asked this young fellow behind the counter, "Well, how much are the French fries?" He waved my money away and said, "It's 'on the house.'" He didn't even know me. But I realized that was a message from God saying to me, "You're going to be taken care of; don't you worry about a thing."

RITA: So you saw signs of God's love all along the way.

MARIVIC: I saw and felt the signs. Every step of the way I was able to see God's provision, God providing me with the money, the resources, the people that would help me. So I think that I didn't have to rely on my former financial resources. I really had to completely rely on God's help to make that transition. I didn't have to worry where I would stay when I was interviewing for jobs right after I left. And who would have thought that I would then become the leader of a major domestic violence organization?

I think sometimes the message from God is a soft, still voice, but sometimes the message may be a loud one that will tell you, "Hey, get out of there!" We cannot tell how God will work it out, but we just need to know that God is working. We are not the only ones battling this problem. God is right there with us, holding our hand, to show peace and harmony right here, right now, for you, for the person who may have hurt you, and for everyone involved. God loves us so much and wants us to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship with ourselves and with someone else.

RITA: Is there anything else that you felt like you had to address to find healing? Anything you can say about forgiveness?

MARIVIC: Forgiveness is such an important thing. It was interesting—when I left my situation, I got depressed. I was with a friend of mine who is a Christian Scientist. We were having lunch, and finally he said to me, "Marivic, have you prayed to forgive yourself?" And I really thought about that. Sometimes it's actually easier to pray to forgive somebody else who has hurt us, because we've loved them so much and we just go, "OK, I can learn to forgive them." But sometimes, it's harder to be compassionate with yourself, and to say, "This wasn't my fault." So I think that to really pray about that is so crucial, because sometimes, again, we go on for years without forgiving.

RITA: And God is there to help in that, too.

MARIVIC: You know, that's where God's grace comes in. God tells us, "You don't have to do anything to deserve My grace. My grace is right here for you. It's My gift to you, to know I love you so much that this is My gift that I am offering to you." To feel God's grace is to really feel that gift, because that wonderful healing power is so crucial in changing our own lives and seeing the lives of others change. God's grace works in this amazing way.

RITA: Yes, just needing to open yourself up to it, to be willing to accept it. And I like that from your journey out of an abusive relationship, you then turned around to help others. But what if someone now is saying, "I know somebody who's in an abusive relationship, and I yearn to help them." What can they do?

MARIVIC: Each one of us can do so much because domestic violence impacts everyone. And it often exists in secret. The first thing I think is to gain someone's trust and confidence, to make someone—the person who's experiencing domestic violence—feel safe to confide in you, to trust you so you can assist in a practical and prayerful way. So in practical ways, there are many resources in your neighborhood, in your community, and in your state. There are local shelters, community centers; there's your state domestic violence coalition; there's law enforcement. Almost every police station has a desk for woman and children and domestic violence assistance. There are also many resources available on the Internet to look at ways to help somebody—even a "role play," how to talk to someone.

But I think the thing that we must not neglect is what we can do as individual "pray-ers," as individuals who can pray need this problem. Every day I think we need to pray for peace in individual minds and hearts, in homes, communities, and the world. That's something every individual can do no matter what faith you're in, what religion you are. You can pray to know and to see that peace in individual minds and hearts, to see that peace in the home, to see the children safe in every home in your community, in your neighborhood, to see your community's health be governed by peace, be governed by God's power and control. Your individual prayer is powerful.

RITA: It actually has an effect...

MARIVIC: Yes, your individual prayer is powerful and effective. You can demand to see results of your prayerful work. You might say, "OK, God, show me. I want to see the effect of what I've prayed about." And you can offer to a friend in need: "I would like to pray with you. Let's pray together to know that God's going to guide you to the right decision, that God's going to guide you if you need to be in a shelter, or to come to my own home.

I think we also need to look at our Christian Science church as the bridge for finding spiritual solutions and resources. It's really a bridge between the practical and the prayerful. So we need to really look at our churches serving that mission and that purpose. A lot of our Reading Rooms are open many hours. And then we have the Internet, we have "Church on the go" through the Internet, so depending on what time zone you're in, you can connect to different Christian Science resources online. So I think that we need to see our own churches as a vital place for this spiritual revitalization of our community, and the spiritual transformation of individual lives. CSS