Article April 14, 2008 Issue

NO EMPTY NESTS

BY KATHRYN JONES DUNTON

It was the middle of the night, and the sound of our adult daughter's loud coughing in the next room roused me from sleep. She was visiting us from her home overseas. As I lay there in the dark, I began to pray and listen for God's direction. Should I go to her room and ask her if she wanted specific prayerful support? She and I had been working to establish balance and boundaries in our relationship, so I wanted to respect her privacy. I was hesitant to immediately rush in and sit at the foot of her bed as I'd done when she was a little girl. I'd found that the best way to offer help was to pause and consider how best to "mother" in any given situation.

Over the past few years since my husband and I have become empty nesters, I've prayed a lot to address the feelings that are associated with this life transition. As I've learned not to stare longingly or nostaligically at the closed door of our daughter's childhood room, I've practiced turning to God with an eager and expectant, "Now what, Father-Mother?" After our daughter entered her 20s, it was tempting to feel relegated to the sidelines of her life. But step by step, God revealed new ways for me to grow spiritually and share His bountiful blessings. And I was discovering that God always showed me how to use and expand on my talents. For example, I'd always loved writing. Before our daughter left home, I was never able to devote much time to it. But in recent years, I've spent time nurturing this interest.

Through new avenues, I was able to move forward when the mothering door appeared to close. I began to realize there are no "has beens" in God's kingdom, just "now expressings." Since God loves each of us, He has given us a developing and growing sense of mission and purpose.