RELATIONSHIPS April 9, 2007 Issue

FORGIVE—AND REALLY FORGET

JULIE TREVOR-ROBERTS

IT'S NO SECRET that the life-coach/self-help industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. The success of TV personalities like Dr. Phil and Oprah, and the endless shelves of self-help books and magazines at bookstores and grocery checkout lines, are all evidence that millions of people hunger to heal the past and move on with their lives.

I was one of them. For as long as I could remember, I'd been on a quest to heal a relationship with a particular family member. Throughout my life, this person continued to cause great emotional pain that affected all areas of my life.

It was clear to me that while I had tried—longed—to forgive and forget countless times before, the forgetting part never came. I'd prayed deeply with the support of the Bible and Science and Health. And while I'd made a lot of progress over the years, the memories still disturbed me—meaning that if I wasn't forgetting, I wasn't truly forgiving.