Answers from the heart

By Carol Haynes Rullman—Earlysville. Virginia

I Can Still See Myself , sitting confidently in front of the executive board of the Church of Christ, Scientist, that I was hoping to join years ago. Chrisitian Science had been an integral part of my life, so it seemed natural to apply for memebership in The Mother Church and then in this branch church.

I had already filled out a membership application, and this meeting with the board was the next step. They had some questions for me about why I wanted to unite with the church, which I answered comfortably. Then someone asked, "What is Church to you?" I wasn't sure how to answer. Honestly, I'd never thought about it before. I don't remember my exact response—and I went home afterward to look up the word Church in the Glossary of Science and Health, wishing I'd given a better answer than I had. (Nevertheless, I was afterward accepted as a member.)

Many years later I felt impelled to withdraw my branch church membership. I guess you could say I was angry at Christian Science. I'd been facing some difficult emotional and physical challenges, and my efforts to heal them through prayer had failed. I felt as though I wasn't good enough, that I didn't fully understand Christian Science, and maybe never would. Yet I was confused about who I was without Christian Science.

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