FROM THE EDITORS February 18, 2002 Issue

The joy of ego-busting

Margaret Rogers

FROM my early teens until my mid-twenties, losing weight was a perennial goal. That Glamour magazine perfection was only 20 pounds away!

There wasn't as much awareness then of the oversold ideal of female thinness. I'd never heard of eating disorders. But in common language, I guess I would have fallen into the category of a binge eater. On top of normal meals, I frequently ransacked the cupboards and refrigerator, consuming almost anything I could find with just about no control. Once when I was renting a room where I couldn't stock much food, I ate margarine straight out of the tub, simply because it was there.

I felt bad after these binges. But as the years went by, I began to realize that being overweight didn't bother me nearly as much as the feeling that I had no control over myself at those times. I've mentioned this feeling to other people who struggle with various kinds of compulsive behavior, and many of them have agreed that lack of self-control can be very hard on one's sense of self-worth.

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