SELF-CONSCIOUS?

Clare G. Turner

For several years I had taken voice lessons and sung in choruses, progressing to the point of being able to sing increasingly challenging music in more demanding groups. To sing a solo, however, felt like a giant leap. Yet I had a deep desire to feel free enough to sing one.

While on vacation I attended a church service, during which the solo portion of the service was omitted. Afterward I learned that they had not had anyone soloing there for some time. So I considered the remote possibility of singing occasionally for this church, even though it was located several hours away from my home.

I asked for an audition while I was in town. Right after the audition, I was asked to sing the following Sunday. This took me by surprise, because I had been considering starting several months later. But, to my amazement, I heard myself answer "Yes." Driving back, I wondered how I had ever agreed to do this, especially with only three days to prepare and no means to practice with accompaniment until Sunday morning. But the desire to proceed outweighed my doubts. The whole pursuit simply felt right.

One of the most freeing thoughts I had while preparing was that instead of working hard to overcome being self-conscious, I needed to be truly self-conscious—conscious of my God-given self. This spiritual selfhood includes beauty, grace, and harmony, and is inherently fearless.

I was spending the week with relatives, who were very encouraging. They acted as my practice congregation and helped me see more clearly that the message of the solo was of utmost importance. One family member compared soloing to giving a lovely gift. Another likened it to unveiling a work of art. These thoughts reinforced my conviction that the focus would not be on me but on the musical and inspirational message of the solo and on the glory of God.

I also realized that soloing was actually a different form of something I had already done—reading the Bible aloud at church each week. I had come to be fully comfortable with this activity, acknowledging that everyone there, including me, was hearing God's message for His people. Understanding this, I was able to read effortlessly and with love for everyone there. Now I saw that my approach to singing could pattern my approach to reading.

Singing the solo that Sunday was a beautiful experience for me, and the congregation felt blessed as well. I was both freed and embraced by the song's message of God's love and care. And since then I have sung occasionally in churches in my local area.

Clare G. Turner
Reading, Massachusetts

Send a comment to the editors

NEXT IN THIS ISSUE

Article

Safe in the city alone at night? Yes!

October 11, 1999

Contents

We'd love to hear from you!

Easily submit your testimonies, articles, and poems online.

Submit