If, despite our prayers, things don't turn out as we think they should, it's tempting to become discouraged. At one point after a difficult experience, I felt disappointed and began to ask myself why my prayers hadn't been more effective. For weeks this thought taunted me: "Maybe I don't have what it takes and should just give up."

Then a testimony given at a Wednesday evening meeting in a branch Church of Christ, Scientist, caught my attention. The testifier, too, had not been wholly successful in hearing and following God's answers to his prayers in a particular situation. Instead of losing hope, however, he was grateful, because through the experience he'd realized some progress in his understanding of God. Considering his and my contrasting responses to less-than-ideal situations showed me this: he was seeing his human experiences as opportunities to improve his understanding of God; I'd been seeing an understanding of God as a way to improve human experiences. Somewhere along the way, I'd got my priorities confused.

My experience as a teacher in seeing the difference between successful and unsuccessful students has helped me further clarify the relationship of prayer and study to healing. I taught English to foreign students, most of whom had to pass the Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) in order to enter universities in the United States. Occasionally a student would arrive who was so obsessed with passing the TOEFL that he would refuse to attend any beginning-level classes; to pass the TOEFL, he'd explain, he needed only advanced English. Despite many hours spent studying test-preparation books, this type of student rarely did as well as he expected and was often discouraged. Successful students focused their efforts on learning English and eventually succeeded on the TOEFL without putting undue effort into the test itself. After all, the primary goal of learning English wasn't a high test score. Rather, the goal of the test was to measure how well someone knew English.

The need to solve any problem through prayer can be likened to an academic test. We won't seek to understand just enough of God's nature to get a particular healing. In fact we need to put anxious concern about particular human need out of thought and press on, through prayer, study, and practice, toward the real goal: spiritual regeneration and salvation. As our understanding and living of Truth grow more faithful to the example Christ Jesus gave us, a change is taking place in our thinking. This is naturally reflected in an improved human situation, and our proper needs are met.

The process of spiritual regeneration and its effects are summed up in Jesus' words "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." ^{Matt. 6:33.} Discouragement comes if we're seeking "all these things" primarily and the kingdom of God secondarily.

As I was thinking further along these lines, I found a statement in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by the Discoverer and Founder of Christian Science that gave me encouragement to pursue the study of Christian Science wholeheartedly regardless of human circumstances. In her chapter "Prayer" the author of this book, Mary Baker Eddy, states: "The test of all prayer lies in the answer to these questions: Do we love our neighbor better because of this asking? Do we pursue the old selfishness, satisfied with having prayed for something better, though we give no evidence of the sincerity of our requests by living consistently with our prayer?" ^{Science and Health, p. 9.}

More love and a life more closely aligned with God—surely there's no need for discouragement with this as our standard of measurement. (The same paragraph in Science and Health goes on to say, "There is a cross to be taken up before we can enjoy the fruition of our hope and faith.")

This test of prayer has another encouraging implication: it is never too late to pray about anything, because it is never too late to love more. The experience I'd felt so discouraged about was a past experience; I could do nothing to change the human events. But I could pray about the experience until I loved more as a result of these prayers. This realization ended my sense of failure and slowly began to improve many of my motives and desires.

Another experience I had illustrates the effectiveness of the prayer that seeks God first and refuses to give in to discouragement, regardless of human circumstances. At a time when I hadn't been studying Christian Science or attending church regularly, someone gave me a sick kitten. I took it to the veterinarian for treatment and accepted the verdict given to me: the animal had a very serious and perhaps incurable disease. The kitten died; afterward I felt such a sense of darkness that I began great efforts to draw closer to God.

In this effort I wasn't looking for any human rewards. It's just that the bleakness I felt made me realize how out of touch with God, divine good, I'd become. You might say I had lost sight of God. But as I felt more love for God and gratitude for what Christian Science had shown me of His real nature, I decided to become active in a branch church—something I hadn't done for several years—and I studied to understand Christian Science and its healing effect better. My spiritual understanding grew. I saw more of the spiritual laws that govern me and that actually constitute true existence.

When I decided to get another kitten, I answered a newspaper advertisement and went to choose one from a litter. The woman who had the kittens said, in essence: "I can tell you really love cats, so would you consider this one? She's the runt of the litter, doesn't play with the other kittens, and just likes to sit on my lap." In her lap lay a tiny white kitten, exhibiting many of the same symptoms as the kitten that had died. But this time I felt so sure of God's love for His creatures that I didn't have the slightest doubt this kitten would be fine.

When I got the kitten home, I took her in my lap and just loved her. Actually, it's more accurate to say I felt God's healing love enveloping both of us. By the next morning she was clear-eyed and as playfully energetic as any normal kitten. That was about six years ago, and she has been fine ever since. This was one of several healings that took place as I worked to understand God better through prayer, study, and church work.

Reexamining my real motives, goals, and priorities as a student of Christian Science, I began to glimpse the deeper significance of Christian Science healing. I finally realized that what we see as healing (restored health, better relationships, and so on) is really just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. Far more than just another solution to various human difficulties, Christian healing signifies the great love of God for man. Healing is very naturally shown forth in our lives as we are brought into closer accord with divine Love by seeking first the kingdom of God, Spirit, and His righteousness—seeking to understand and live the Love that is the source of all life, that is Life itself. When this seeking is humble, loving, and primary in our lives, there is no room for discouragement.