During 1918, I had occasion to visit one of the best...

During 1918, I had occasion to visit one of the best specialists in Johannesburg, and he informed me that I had internal polypous growths of several years' standing. He also said I must ultimately submit to what might prove to be a rather serious operation, as "nothing removes these growths but the knife." A few months later, about February, 1919, after a period of great sorrow and loss, I was on the point of submitting to the operation, not with a view to gaining better health, but because I was in such depths of misery that I had come to the conclusion that death was the best way out of it all, and I was hoping that I would die while under the anæsthetic.

I had lost all faith in the God whom I had been brought up to believe in, and whom I had been taught to thank for both the good and the evil that came into my life. I felt I had no more use for a God who could make His creatures go through the mental and physical tortures I had suffered; and so, without a God of any kind to hold on to, the world seemed to me a very dark and dreary place indeed. One day I left my home with the intention of getting the specialist to fix an early date for my operation (and so end it all); but on my way to town I met a friend who suggested that I try Christian Science. I told her I knew nothing of Christian Science, but supposed it was a fad of some cranks, and I did not intend wasting my time on it. Within an hour or so, however, I found myself in a Christian Science practitioner's office, to my own great amazement at the time, although I realized afterwards that I had been divinely led there.

March 21, 1925

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