Good neighbors

One of the nicest things anyone ever gave me was a party with all of my friends. 

Our neighbors Nancy and Matt wanted to invite my friends to their house—people they didn’t even know—as a send-off when my company transferred me to Hawaii. What a great time it was. Their house looked beautiful—the food was better than a caterer could provide—the laughter contagious. It was the kind of thing only good friends would do.

But it wasn’t always that way. 

Some time before, after Nancy and Matt moved in next door, a misunderstanding developed between our families. We legally shared a single-lane driveway, and each home had a garage. But rather than use their garage, they began to park in a way that blocked access to our garage. We constantly had to ask them to move their car so we could get in and out, or drive around it on an incline.

Soon they began blocking the driveway more frequently, and we wondered why. Was it because we’d asked them to move it after their visiting relative had trouble walking from her car? Perhaps we hadn’t approached them the right way—maybe we could have been kinder. Whatever it was, the problem escalated over some months, when we began being unfriendly, too. Then there was no communication between us at all, and our once-friendly neighborhood developed an icy chill.

It all came to a head one winter morning. We were leaving for church but it was too icy to drive around their car safely, so we phoned them and knocked on their door, but they didn’t answer. We were pretty steamed and about to call a taxi, when the neighbors on the far side phoned to say they’d drive us to church. This act of kindness helped us settle down a bit. But on the way we stewed self-righteously about how we’d been put out—rehearsing the indignity and rudeness of their behavior.

However, this wasn’t solving the problem—especially as we listened to a comforting Bible Lesson-Sermon in church about God’s unconditional love for all His children. (Church is a tough place to hold a grudge!) 

That’s when I came face to face with my faith and asked if it was a part-time, twice-a-week show for others at church. I knew it was much deeper than that, so I asked myself if God created some people more worthy of love than others. Did He want His children to be in conflict in their relationships with each other?

We can’t help but express this Love proactively, because it’s our very nature to do so.

With all my indignation, the ultimate question was whether I saw Nancy and Matt as “outsiders” because of the way they treated us. We surely felt wronged, but would a resolution come from retaliating in kind? As Mary Baker Eddy asks in Science and Health, “On which side are we fighting?” (p. 216 ).

After that church service, my mom had an inspiration about how to approach our neighbors on a level playing field. Because the normal channels of communication were closed, she phoned a lawyer to arrange a meeting so we could all get together and talk. We also agreed no longer to view ourselves as victims, and took a proactive initiative to love our neighbors first, before seeing how they acted toward us. But it wasn’t easy. My mom and I had to be very disciplined about loving in this way, and reminding each other to keep at it.

Then a few days before going to the lawyer’s office, I was reading the teachings of Jesus in the Bible. There, in the Sermon on the Mount, he says that if we are sued at the law, and our coat is taken away, we should give up our cloak also (see Matthew 5:40 ). For me this meant I had to have a heart full of willingness to do whatever God directed, without human conjuring or clever meddling. I had to honestly love our neighbors the same way I loved myself, no matter how things might turn out.

So we went to our meeting with no anger, no baggage, and no worries about the outcome, and only an expectation and conviction that true justice would be served according to God’s law, and bless everyone involved.

At the meeting, each side stated their case simply, and our neighbors admitted they knew both our property deeds protected our right to free access to the driveway. And the matter was resolved very quickly without a hitch, with our neighbors agreeing they’d no longer block the driveway.  

Then, as we were ready to leave, they asked if there was something more we wanted to say. Had we been bothered by something when they moved in? 

My mom and I were surprised at this and said no, we’d never felt animosity toward them, until they started blocking the driveway, and actually thought they were bothered by something we’d done! They seemed surprised at this, but nothing more was said.  

Then soon the warm, friendly feeling that had existed before began to return to the neighborhood, and with the other neighbors, too. We even planned a backyard picnic for the upcoming holiday.

Not long afterward we learned our neighbors had engaged our lawyer to represent them in another matter because of his ethics and fair play. Then a few months later we were invited to Nancy and Matt’s wedding—a wonderful occasion full of love and great joy.

Later on, when Matt and Nancy had children, they asked my mother to be their regular baby sitter because they’d come to respect her love and commitment to doing what is right for all concerned. And bit by bit, this all led up to the wonderful party they gave for me and my friends when I left town.

Looking back, my mom and I learned that living God’s love every day in practical ways enables us to live next to good neighbors all the time, right in our own community and around the world.

As an epigram called “Outwitted” by 19th-century thinker Edwin Markham, says:

He drew a circle that shut me out— 
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But Love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in!  

Taking in and accepting the fact that God is Love, and loves all His children equally, we can’t help but express this Love proactively, because it’s our very nature to do so. And this kind of love naturally fences out the criticism and revenge that can cause friction and promote division. Then we can genuinely welcome the love of Christ to our table, and everyone wins!