Moving mountains of despair
Here’s a fun fact: The world is spinning at a thousand miles per hour at the equator. That’s pretty fast, but not as fast as Earth hurtling around the sun at sixty-seven thousand miles per hour! We don’t feel as though we’re moving, but we are.
When I’ve felt stuck in a mentally dark place, filled with anxiety and feeling that there’s no way out or forward, these facts have been helpful. I’ll tell you how.
As an adult, I had to spend some time with one of my parents because of a family issue. What began as a temporary situation turned into several years of being away from my home. I was also unable to pursue my career as a theater actor. It felt like my life would be on hold forever.
It felt like my life would be on hold forever.
I also found it hard to pray, which I was used to doing regularly and often. But, during a dark moment of feeling trapped and far from God, I recalled these facts about the earth’s movement, and they reminded me that there is more going on than meets the eye. What’s actually happening isn’t always just what I’m thinking, seeing, or feeling.
I thought, “OK, my perception is that I’m standing still, that I’m in a rut and not making progress, and that feels unbearable. But physically, I’m actually moving at great speed right now, propelled by an unseen power greater than I am, even though it’s imperceptible to the senses. I don’t feel it happening, and I don’t make it happen. I may not have done the original research or the calculations demonstrating this fact. But others did that work for me, and I have faith that their claims are true. I am not physically stuck; I am moving.”
That line of reasoning brought me some comfort. But more importantly, it enabled a ray of light to penetrate the darkness. My next thought was, “I have faith.”
Faith is what I’d felt I was lacking. Not blind faith, but a reasoned faith in God and His role in my life. This was important because I knew from my years of studying the Bible that recognizing this, even in the slightest degree, is a game-changer.
I recalled the powerful words and example of Christ Jesus, who promised his followers, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you” (Matthew 17:20, New International Version). Now that is movement!
I asked myself if I had faith in God as a grain of mustard seed, which is the tiniest of seeds. Yes, I’d just admitted that I did.
Was there a mountain I hoped to move? There was—not a literal mountain, but an imposing, oppressive, mental block; a mountain of despair and of feeling trapped in a situation over which I had no control. Could my iota of faith move this mountain? According to Jesus, yes.
I knew I could trust God, whom I also don’t perceive with my physical senses, but whom I know is an ever-present power. My earlier argument based on physics once again came to mind, but this time, I thought about it from a spiritual standpoint: “To my perception, I’m standing still; I’m in a rut and not making progress, and that feels unbearable. But according to what Jesus and his disciples proved about God, I can affirm that I’m completely free, moving beyond mountains of despair, propelled by God, who is the only power. I may not feel it happening, and I also don’t make it happen. I’m carried along effortlessly by God’s unfolding guidance, whether I know it and believe it or not. I was not the first in demonstrating this spiritual fact; many have done so before me, especially Jesus, and I have (a mustard seed of) faith that his teachings are true. I am not stuck; I am moving.”
I’m completely free, moving beyond mountains of despair, propelled by God, who is the only power.
I felt relief and peace at the thought that God, who is totally good, was in charge of my experience. The circumstances had not changed, but my thoughts had. I knew all would be well—in fact, was well. The despair was gone.
Today, I am writing this from my own home, where I am happily reunited with my husband.
Additionally, an unexpected call came recently. After many years of being away, I received an invitation from a theater company to perform a significant role in a Shakespeare play.
Toward the end of the play, the character states to a despondent king, “It is required / you do awake your faith.” In the story, mountains of unhappiness and years of sorrow melt for the king.
Whether in a play or in the drama of our lives, a mustard seed of faith in God can, and does, make a world of difference.
