I have to admit: It took me a little while to see the value and purpose of church. And I think part of this was due to feeling a lack of fellowship.

When I was younger, I got the impression that church was a place to debate the paint color ("Off-white is more spiritual than eggshell white!"); or the physical structure and makeup of the church or Reading Room ("Well, I've prayed about it, and I'm right!").

No wonder I didn't want to be a part of church—I wasn't finding any fellowship there, and because of this, I didn't see that church had any relevance in my own life or society. Not that I didn't have some growing of my own to do. I was more than content to stay at home on Sundays, doing my own spiritual study and reflection. And so the quiet, prayerful time I'd spent with the congregation during Sunday services slowly turned into quiet time on my own at home, and finally to quiet time with my eyes closed and my head on a pillow.

I studied the weekly Christian Science Bible Lesson and Mary Baker Eddy's writings—especially Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures—on Sundays and throughout the week, and grew in my practice and demonstration of Christian Science. But when I was really honest with myself, I could see that my growth was starting to plateau.

I'd already made it a habit to pray and listen to God for direction in my life. So I naturally turned to God to see how I could continue to develop as a Christian Scientist. Needless to say, I was surprised when an "angel message" (see Science and Health, p. 581) suggested that I start attending church again. And what's more, this "still small voice" directed me to return to the church I'd stopped attending.

All sorts of arguments surfaced for why this wasn't great idea—after all, I thought, maybe there was a better church that would match my personality and beliefs about church better than the one I'd stopped attending. Wouldn't I be missing out if I didn't explore all of my options first?

But this "still small voice" was something I knew I couldn't ignore, and so I grudgingly went back. For a period of time I was chronically late for services, but was happy to find that the ushers still welcomed me.

Soon, however, I began to see a pattern in my life—not only was I late for church but I was late for practically everything else as well. One Sunday after arriving as the second or third section of the Lesson-Sermon was being read aloud, I sat downstairs, feeling upset and disappointed with myself. It didn't seem to matter what I did; no matter how hard I tried to get myself out the door on time, I was still late for everything.

But then, an usher came over to talk with me. I told her of my frustration, and she responded that we are always in our "right place" at each moment. I thought, "How could I be in my right place when church starts at 10:00 and I'm still on the subway or stuck in traffic?" But as we continued talking, I realized that I didn't have to accept that any obstacle could prevent me from being where I needed to be. The usher also shared many other spiritual ideas that I recognized from that week's Bible Lesson, but from a fresh view that I hadn't considered before. I was so grateful for this woman's example of Christian fellowship in action! We then sat there together quietly in the corner of the church and listened to the Lesson together.

Suddenly, I was just struck with inspiration from the service. As I listened to the passages being read, they all carried new meaning for me about God and my identity. Even though I'd been reading the Bible Lesson all week, I hadn't really gotten much inspiration from it. I'd even discussed it with friends, but their answers seemed unsatisfactory. Yet right there in church, the burdened feeling I'd been carrying around for the past few months lifted. I smiled as my sense of being an "outside" dropped away.

That service was the end of the chronic lateness. And I started arriving on time or early to other appointments as well. The fellowship that church member showed me was priceless.

Although I was newly inspired, I was still carrying around some issues about church. For example, it seemed like most of the healings people shared during Wednesday testimony meetings took place years ago. I wondered, where were the healings from today?

That thinking changed when I realized I needed to approach Wednesday services with a less accusatory mind-set. Real fellowship meant supporting and encouraging other church members; so, rather than worry about "getting" inspiration from testimonies, I needed to focus on my own gratitude and share that with others, with less of a "me versus them" attitude. It occurred to me that if I really wanted to hear about current healings, I should start sharing them! So I began sharing my own modest experiences with putting the laws of God into practice. I loved giving timely testimonies because, like the "tenth leper" who turned to give immediate gratitude to Jesus for healing (see Luke 17), I wanted to make sure I didn't let too much time go by without sharing my gratitude for all the good I was witnessing.

With these testimonies I began to recognize that the healing presence of the Christ is right here today, just as it has always been. I also began to see this as true for each person I encountered at church services. It's now wonderful to hear all sorts of very recent testimonies of Christian Science healing being given at my church.

My prayer for church has also included thinking about the loving interaction between the members of early Christian churches described in the Bible. They were a group that worshipped together. They had meals together. They made sure that the community was taken care of I also studied Jesus' command quoted on the cover of Science and Health: "Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons," and the Historical Sketch found in the Church Manual stating that The First Church of Christ, Scientist, founded by Mary Baker Eddy, was "designed to commemorate the word and works of our Master, which should reinstate primitive Christianity and its lost element of healing" (p. 17). I loved that. Church is so much more than just talking about Christian Science; it helps us live it every day!

The branch church I attend expresses fellowship by treating each service as a healing service. I've been a happy recipient of the congregation's collective prayers. Yet another form of fellowship. One Sunday while performing my duties as Second Reader, I began to struggle with my breathing. Right in the middle of the service I suddenly couldn't take another breath. But almost immediately, I felt a wave of peace flow over me, and the problem vanished.

I was startled and grateful to say the least, and suddenly remembered another passage from the Church Manual: "The prayers in Christian Science churches shall be offered for the congregations collectively and exclusively" (p. 42). I realized that I'd experienced the wonderful results of this Manual By-Law being followed by our congregation.

I've been intrigued by reading about Mary Baker Eddy's daily carriage rides she took out into her neighborhood—and how others were healed when she simply passed by, acknowledging their spiritual identity. In order to demonstrate Christian fellowship on an individual level, I try to go on a daily walk or bus ride to a particular place where inspiration leads me, whether around my neighborhood or to the beach. In each outing, I expect healing, keeping the spirit of something from Science and Health in my thought: "Jesus beheld in Science the perfect man, who appeared to him where sinning mortal man appears to mortals. In this perfect man the Saviour saw God's own likeness, and this correct view of man healed the sick" (pp. 476-477). A commitment to seeing others in this way is a kind of fellowship. Sometimes it comes in the form of sharing Science and Health with someone, or even sitting in a restaurant and appreciating God's harmony at work all around me.

After many years of witnessing Christian fellowship in action, and striving to better express it myself, it's humbling to look back on the angel message that first spurred me to reconsider my attitude toward church. At the time, I knew in theory that this "still small voice" was worth listening to, but I had no idea how much it would bless my actions.

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