Article May 1, 2006 Issue

Life out of the fast lane

BY KATJA BRESSETTE

I FELT PRETTY COOL as I sped down the autobahn in my bright red, expensive company car, passing by all the slower cars. I was on a company business trip to another city in Germany. Dressed in a smart suit and new designer shoes, I should have felt on top of the world.

Instead, I felt uneasy. My job in the marketing department of a large automobile company was intense. I'd been having trouble getting along with my boss, and there were other stresses in the department. Everyone worked hard to be noticed—including me. As a result, I'd suffered off and on with bouts of anxiety, in which my heart would race and I would feel totally out of control. And that night in my hotel room, as I lay on my bed. I experienced the severest panic attack I'd ever had.

I had a vague idea this had something to do with my arrogance and feelings of superiority about my job and position. But beneath everything, I actually felt deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with my work. I longed to do something more creative, yet I was frightened of change.

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