RELATIONSHIPS March 6, 2006 Issue

A PROMISE I INTEND TO KEEP

MEG WELCH DENDLER

"LOVE IS THE ANSWER, whatever the question is." Not the message that I'd expected to hear at a Bon Jovi rock concert, but there it was. The Jody Raffoul warm-up band played their own original music, and this was the refrain from one of their pieces.

It was an idea I came back to several times during the night as we enjoyed excellent 11th-row seats on the ground floor of the concert venue, though surrounded by 15,000 other folks—with alcohol flowing and less-than-loving seat stealing and sharing. Trying to love them all did help make the evening more pleasant, but it was a challenge to look past those activities that affected my ability to enjoy the concert we'd so looked forward to. Those attempts at loving my neighbor remained a surface effort, however, and not the kind of love that would really bring peace to the situation. I promised myself to do better next time.

I have every intention of keeping this promise, because I've found that kind of love over the years in other situations that required me to look beyond the scenario of what someone else was doing or saying. I've led a pretty cushy life compared with what most people in the world face. But that hasn't freed me from being betrayed by friends and loved ones. The temptation to hold a grudge—in good old Jane Austen fashion, saying that my good opinion once lost is lost forever—can be really strong in moments like these. Just write that person off for good!