PARENTING July 11, 2005 Issue

COUNTDOWN ELIMINATED

GEORGIA BULLOCH

"BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE, you need to pick up that toy! One, two ... pick it up. Pick it up! You'd better pick it up ... two and a half. ..."

If you're laughing, it's probably because you, too, have had your patience tested beyond reasonable limits, and you've resorted to The Countdown. But hopes that your little one will conform to the rules you've laid down have been dashed more often than not under this flawed system. It isn't working, but what can you do?

Parents naturally want to be wise and helpful in guiding their kids. Too often, though, either our children or the circumstances seem to be out of control. And that's where the trouble begins. We try to enforce ultimatums, and when that fails, we find ourselves bargaining with babies! But experience teaches that obedience and order do not come from one human will dominating another. For me, a giant step of progress came when I learned that real control comes from relying on a higher source. And here's a real-life example that clinched it for me.