RELATIONSHIPS January 5, 2004 ISSUE

What's right, not who's right

Barbara Vining

"Forty-Seven years? That's amazing! How have you managed to stay together that long?"

That's what my husband and I often hear from young servers who wait on our table when we dine out on our wedding anniversary. Their question is asked in fun, and on the run, but I think they genuinely want to know what contributes to making a relationship hang together. So, of the two things that immediately come to mind, I cheerily share the one I think they might get a kick out of, and perhaps get some good from, at the same time: "My husband and I know that it's not who's right, but what's right, that matters." We all laugh, but the idea lingers in the atmosphere of thought.