Article July 27, 1987 Issue

What has to change?

When there are differences or misunderstandings in a relationship, it is easy to think that the answer is to change everything but our own viewpoint. But doesn't spiritual healing have to begin within us?

Kurt Flach

Frequently one may be tempted to think, "If only 'they' would change, everything would be OK." When personal differences arise, it often seems that others are at fault. We might even be convinced that if they would only change their position, everything would be all right. But is that really a trustworthy solution?

I found some humbling answers to this question early in my marriage when differences between my wife and me became evident. Before too long a pattern developed in which we each would in a sense go our separate ways within the marriage. This continued for a period of years.

One day when my wife and I were paddling a canoe across a lake in Maine, I was suddenly touched by what may seem a small thing: Although she couldn't swim, she was always so willing to go canoeing.

Send a comment to the editors

We'd love to hear from you!

Easily submit your testimonies, articles, and poems online.

Submit

What has to change?

We'd love to hear from you!

Sign up for unlimited access