Testimony of Healing May 23, 1977 Issue

Almost as long as I can remember, Paul's words to the Christians...

Berenice Stewart Hudler

Almost as long as I can remember, Paul's words to the Christians at Rome (Rom. 12:2), "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind," had brought great hope to me in my effort to overcome a dispositional problem. When, in my teens, in a near-drowning experience, I was rescued completely unharmed, I glimpsed for a moment the ever-presence of God. This vision of peace and security seemed a great promise to me; but how to retain this level of consciousness?

Through busy college years I endeavored to discipline my thought with deep study, to accept only the good and reject the error, with really little success. Later a threatened recurrence of a human relations problem awakened me to the need to deal with the dispositional trait. In addition, a physical disorder had appeared, an asthma and heart condition that frequently left me incapacitated for several days. As I prayed for guidance, two reminders came to thought. First, Mrs. Eddy's statement (Message to The Mother Church for 1900, p. 10), "History shows that error repeats itself until it is exterminated." I realized that the discordant experiences when I was growing up were the outcome of the unhealed dispositional trait.

At the same time, I recalled a statement made by a Christian Science practitioner. She reminded me that in reality there is no discordant past; the only past there is, is in our present consciousness. Therefore, when our present consciousness is clear, we will be free. What a challenge! I determined then that I would not only deny this recent experience as ever having been true, but I would also review the past and correct every discordant situation in my memory. Recalling the very first experience when I was a small child, an exhibition of temper, I affirmed that in reality there never was such an experience, because, as a perfect child of God, I could express only good, joy, thoughtfulness, obedience, and love, and could never have exhibited temper.

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