What I couldn’t lose

When my relationship of several years ended abruptly in the first month of the new school year, I felt abandoned and empty. I found myself blaming God for what had happened. I’d prayed so much about the relationship—asking God over and over if it was the right path. When the relationship had continued, I’d assumed that meant God’s answer was yes, so I didn’t understand why it had suddenly become a no.

I felt God had led me down a road, knowing that I would get hurt in the end. I couldn’t understand how God was leading my life, as I’d learned in Christian Science Sunday School, only to have something like this happen. 

I knew that God is Love, and I’d been taught to lean on God and trust His ever-present care. But these thoughts felt hollow to me now, and I couldn’t seem to escape the empty feeling from the loss of this relationship.

I couldn’t seem to escape the empty feeling from the loss of this relationship.

A couple of weeks after the breakup, I left town with friends for a concert. It was so much fun—it felt like sunlight shining through a cloudy sky. But the last night of the weekend, I completely lost my voice, and my throat was very painful. My friends joked that I’d had too much fun singing at the concert, and we all assumed my voice would return in a couple of days. 

But as the days dragged on, not only was my voice not getting better but my hearing in one ear was starting to fade. I’d been praying about it, but I was still struggling. So I called a Christian Science practitioner and asked her to pray for me. She reminded me that God’s goodness is permanent and can’t be damaged or lost. 

This was helpful. But the need to be healed felt urgent because I was hosting a Halloween party the following weekend. The party came and went, and I entertained my guests to the best of my ability. But I felt defeated because my prayers “didn’t work.” I was afraid my voice would never come back.

As I continued to pray, though, something interesting happened. I realized that I really needed to lean on God and His love, which would help me let go of the animosity I felt toward my ex-boyfriend because of the breakup. So, through prayer, I began to shift my perspective about the situation. I also started to see this need for healing as an opportunity to hang out with God—to listen for His guidance and to feel His love, which I knew would comfort me. 

One idea really stood out to me as I prayed: “Love’s labors are not lost” (Mary Baker Eddy, Miscellaneous Writings 1883–1896, p. 100). I realized that as divine Love’s expression, I had never lost my ability to express or receive love. And because God is the source of all love, I hadn’t truly lost anything because of the breakup, either. My perfection and wholeness are permanent, established by God, and can’t be altered or diminished in any way. 

While the relationship had felt God-led at the time, I began to accept the idea that Love was leading me in a new direction. And although I hadn’t understood this new direction at first, I could trust it—even though it meant the end of that relationship. I realized, too, that I could never be without love, whether or not this particular boyfriend was still in my life. I didn’t need a person’s love to define me or to help me feel fulfilled; divine Love was what I needed. So, I focused on feeling and seeing God’s love all around me. 

Because God is the source of all love, I hadn’t truly lost anything because of the breakup.

At first, there was no physical improvement with my voice, though I was feeling progressively better about the breakup. But as I continued to lean on God’s love, my voice and my hearing were fully restored. And even though it took longer to heal from the breakup, Love was with me every step of the way. Soon I was completely healed—mentally, emotionally, and physically.

While I’m grateful I was able to accept the end of that relationship, this experience was about something so much deeper. It helped me understand that, as the Bible says, I am “rooted and grounded” (Ephesians 3:17) in divine Love—the unchanging source of everything good in my life—and that I really can trust Love. I also learned that we are never without love—no matter our relationship status.