Turning to God led us to each other

When Ken’s wife, Margaret, passed away, he spent a great deal of time praying deeply for God’s guidance as to his next steps. In this story of Love’s guidance, he and Carolyn tell how their prayers brought them together.

Ken’s story:

Five days before Christmas, my dear, beloved wife, Margaret, the sweet woman who had introduced me to Christian Science, passed away. Three days later, I had a complete healing of any sense of grief.

That may sound shocking, but I had a deep conviction that Margaret’s life was continuing and that she was embraced in the arms of our Father-Mother God. We’d both prayed constantly during her long illness to learn more about her identity—and the identity of all of God’s children—as a spiritual being. What I’d learned during that time helped me after Margaret passed on. I still loved her with my whole heart, but I knew that all the wonderful qualities she had expressed had not ended. They were, in fact, spiritual and eternal.

That wonderful healing took place on a Wednesday. It became clear to me that I needed to resume my professional activities that day and that I also needed to go to the testimony meeting at The First Church of Christ, Scientist, in Boston where Margaret and I attended church.

I decided to have supper at a restaurant prior to the service. In my study of Christian Science, I had been learning how important it was to ask God regularly not only about the major things in my life, but also about the daily, normal activities as well. So I asked Him where I should go to eat. The thought came clearly that I should eat at a place right across from church.

As I was looking at the menu written on large chalk boards, I felt a hand gently touch me on the shoulder and a soft voice ask me “May I hug you?” I turned to see that it was a woman named Carolyn whom Margaret and I knew from church and who had heard that day about Margaret’s passing.

Margaret and I had primarily kept to ourselves during the physical challenge that she had faced. Before her passing, she spent four months in a Christian Science care facility when I was no longer able to care for her at home. Beyond seeing the nursing staff, attending church, and seeing my music students, all my moments were spent with Margaret doing whatever I could to help her. So to have this simple, loving act of comfort meant a great deal. This clearly felt like evidence of God’s love for me and for Margaret.

Carolyn invited me to join her and two of her friends at their table. I gladly accepted. The four of us had a lovely conversation, and after our meal, we all went to church together.

Over the next two weeks I was praying, day by day, and, really, moment by moment, to know what God wanted me to do with my life. I was prepared to do whatever He directed me to do, to be wherever She wanted me to be, even if it meant moving to a different country. It was a time of constant prayer. Gradually the thought began coming to me that I should seek out Carolyn. This was a startling idea, as my beloved Margaret had so recently passed away, but the nature of this thought, so impelling and at the same time inspired, caused me to ponder it deeply.

The next time I attended a Wednesday church service, I saw Carolyn sitting a few pews away. After the testimony meeting, I asked her if she would like a ride home, and she accepted. I knew that she lived in the same town I did, but had no idea that we only lived five streets apart.

On the way, I repeatedly felt as though I should ask Carolyn if she would like to go to the art museum with me. I resisted complying with this idea, wondering what people might think and, more important, what Carolyn would think of me. We often mistakenly labor under what we assume society’s expectations might be rather than following spiritual intuition, and I certainly struggled with this during the car ride. I finally asked her. She thought for a moment and replied that she would like to do that. We agreed that we would go to the museum on the next Wednesday before church.

The Sunday before our planned museum visit, I spent some time in prayer. As I was praying, I kept feeling that it was important for me to call Carolyn to see if she would like to have dinner and go to a movie that afternoon. Oh how I resisted that idea! I thought, “What will she think?” But this intuition was very strong so I picked up the phone and began to dial her number. I could not complete the dialing because I kept giving in to the fear of what her reaction might be.

It’s comical now, but I repeated this process perhaps 20 times. I felt impelled, but couldn’t follow through. Finally, it became very clear to me that this wasn’t human will or desire, but rather God’s direction. Carolyn said she would like to go, but it would need to be later in the day as she was participating as a Reader in a Christian Science service at a jail in Boston. We agreed that she would call when she returned home.

A very short while later, Carolyn called me back and said that her car battery had failed. She asked me if I would mind taking her and her fellow Reader to the jail for the service. The importance of my reluctant call to her became immediately apparent. Since I had just spoken to her, and we lived so near one another, she felt free to call on me for help. I gladly took them to the jail.

After Carolyn finished her work there, we had our dinner and movie. From that moment on, everything flowed with such a natural and inspired ease. We found that rather than experiencing dating small talk, we dove right into discussions of our hopes, aspirations, all of our past human history—including an honest discussion of the mistakes that we’d each made. Over the next week and three dates, we found ourselves “laying our cards on the table.” The atmosphere was nonjudgmental and supportive.

During this period, I attended a Sunday morning church service. While there, I struggled with the idea that if I loved Carolyn—and I already did—how could I have loved Margaret? I felt that I was being torn apart.

After the service, I encountered the First Reader of the church, whom I had never personally met before. He looked at me, and with a tender and compassionate look, said to me “All, all is well.” There was power in the meaning of these words that come from a hymn in the Christian Science Hymnal (Mary Peters, No. 350 ). I was immediately healed of this turmoil as I realized that I could love both Margaret and Carolyn through limitless, divine Love. What a freeing thought!

Carolyn and I planned a fourth date at my apartment where I would cook supper to reciprocate for her having done so for me on the second date. A couple of days before the planned dinner, I awoke in the night and found that I needed to pray about the relationship. I picked up Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures by Mary Baker Eddy and began reading the chapter entitled “Marriage.” I felt comforted by the ideas in this section.

The next morning, Carolyn called me and told me that she needed to talk with me that night. Her voice was quite serious. Given her tone, I assumed that she was going to tell me that the relationship was progressing too rapidly and that we needed to end it.

I remember exactly what I thought: “Well, if I love this woman—and I do—then I only want whatever God wants for her and that would have to be good.” When Carolyn arrived, she told me that she felt she needed to tell me one more important thing from her past. She did, but it didn’t faze me at all. Carolyn then told me how she had been up the previous night praying. She said that she’d read the chapter “Marriage” in Science and Health, too!

As I looked at her, the thought came forcefully to me to ask her to marry me. This startled me. I already knew that I wanted to spend my life with Carolyn, but I never conceived of taking this step so soon. This was only 12 days after our initial date and only a little over three weeks after Margaret’s passing. Though the urging was very strong, I kept resisting.

Finally I looked at her and said “I’ve got to argue with God for a moment!” I mentally, brashly did so. I told God that I would ask, but in my own way! I asked Carolyn “Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to marry me, what would you say?” She immediately responded, “Are you asking?” I replied “Yes.” Her instant “Yes” caused my heart to leap for joy and then we shared our first kiss. We were married about a month and a half later.

All during the 12-day period, each of us had independently prayed about what God wanted us to do. And we were obedient, even though I was sometimes reluctant. What a blessing this has been for both of us as each day has been more joy-filled than the previous one! This month we’ll be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary.

How good is our God, and how important it is that we listen to and obey Her messages. Our Father-Mother God is always imparting to each of us the precious angel thoughts that lovingly direct our path. When we listen and respond to them, our lives are blessed without measure.

Carolyn’s story:

For the 18 years after my marriage ended in divorce, I had been single and raised my son alone. Several months before Ken and I began to see each other, I was feeling pretty good about the growing probability that I wouldn’t remarry at this point in my life. In fact, when a friend I hadn’t seen in a while stopped me on a street corner and asked me if I was seeing anyone, I told her no, and quickly added that if anyone looked at me with interest, I’d run the other way!

What would make me say that? First, I was really loving a new job, the scope of my activities, and my friends. At the same time, I couldn’t bear the thought of the inevitable “small talk” that would be required if I met someone as we discovered if we “clicked.”

Though there had been several serious relationships in the interim, along with a few that clearly weren’t going anywhere, when I thought about possible remarriage, it wasn’t ever about feeling husbandless or uncared for. Home, employment, private schooling, camp, and college for my son were ample evidence of God’s tender care for us.

Though society is continually forwarding a message, as old as the story of Adam and Eve, that men and women just can’t make it together—that conflict and different operating platforms keep people from connecting with each other in lasting harmony, and that a happy marriage is the privilege of a very select few, all along I consciously refused to accept that message. I had the conviction that since men and women are equally God’s children, then harmony between them is natural and normal, even though it hadn’t been fully apparent in my romantic relationships.

On a Wednesday morning, two weeks after seeing Ken at a restaurant, an unsought angel message from God about my attitude toward marriage came to me as I rode the bus to work, “It’s not for you to decide; maybe you have something to share with someone.” This was a startling thought. I didn’t need to figure out if I should marry or remain single, God would guide me! And, it felt like a new view of relationships that I hadn’t considered.

That evening after church Ken gave me a ride home, and we talked along the way. He mentioned that he was listening for divine direction to know what his next steps—personally and professionally—might be. Immediately, I had an appreciation for what a dear man he is! When he asked me if I would like to go to the art museum, I admit that I needed a moment. What would people think so soon after Margaret’s passing? But then when I thought about his love and devoted care of her all of those months, and that every moment was spent with her when he wasn’t teaching, I thought why should he have to go alone? I agreed to accompany him.

Over the next few weeks we got together several times. We talked for hours and hours about our hopes and dreams, our accomplishments, even our missteps and some “wish I hadn’ts.” I’d never spoken with a man this way before. There was no “small talk,” just substantial conversation that was honest, unvarnished, nonjudgmental, without an agenda, and inspiring.

One morning I woke up at 2:30 and felt impelled to read the chapter “Marriage” in Science and Health right then and there. Though I’d read that chapter in Science and Health hundreds of times before, two sentences jumped out at me: “Be not in haste to take the vow ‘until death do us part.’ Consider its obligations, its responsibilities, its relations to your growth and to your influence on other lives.”

Rather than acting as a stop sign, these ideas were actually a sign that this relationship (friendship or marriage) would contribute to my spiritual growth and expand my activity of service to God. I’d already experienced a strong feeling of mutual spiritual support with Ken.

The next morning I called him to ask if we could get together a day sooner than planned because there was one more thing I wanted him to know about me. After telling him, we continued chatting casually. When he became distracted at one point, he asked me to bear with him for a few moments because he needed to “argue” with God.

After a moment, Ken asked me to marry him. It was the most natural thing in the world, and of course, I said “Yes!” Ken later told me that he felt impelled to ask me, but was so taken aback by this quick development that he had to turn to God for a moment before proceeding. When he felt at peace, he proposed.

The minister we asked to marry us was very interested in our story. He was in awe of how well we had come to know each other in such a short time, how we felt as though we had known each other forever, and how clear we were that this marriage was tailor-made by God. We were married six weeks later in a lovely ceremony with only my son in attendance. It was a very special moment for all of us.

Ken and I will be celebrating our 12th anniversary this month. Our marriage has been such a gift filled with joy, harmony, and equality. We have no doubt that God brought us together for His glory, for our mutual and individual spiritual growth, and to be of greater service to Him. We often say to each other, even now, “God must really love me to have given me you.” We know God loves and cherishes each of His ideas, and that what we have experienced is the result of prayerful listening for His exquisite guidance.

Happily married

Science and Health
56:1-69:30
57:18-24
68:11

King James Bible
John 2:1-11
Eph. 4:1-7, 11-13, 16