Be courteous
Originally appeared on spirituality.com
“Be courteous”—I heard this phrase during a recent church service. The topic of the sermon was “Love.” I went expecting to hear the Bible passages I’ve come to know and cherish on that subject, but those two simple words from I Peter in the Bible gave me pause.
Immediately I was reminded of an article I’d read just days before in The Christian Science Monitor (Jan.23, 2006) about a program Prime Minister Tony Blair is initiating in Britain. It’s called the “Respect Agenda.” It is meant to target antisocial behavior that Mr. Blair feels is one of the country’s largest problems. From verbal abuse to mindless violence, many believe a lack of civility is a growing problem.
So when I heard “be courteous” at church, I realized this is not just an issue of social civility. It’s a societal hurt calling out for healing. And there is a spiritual requirement for each us to do our part.
At the base of a problem like this lie dissatisfaction, alienation, anger, hopelessness, selfishness, and fear. And while steeper penalties and less governmental tolerance of such behavior may help increase awareness and deter some of the behavior, the deeper causes must be tackled to bring about a real and lasting solution.
Ultimately, these are issues of the heart. We must appeal to God, and find Him, in order to feel the genuine satisfaction and love for our neighbors that result in natural kindness and daily generosity. The answers lie in Him.
To understand more about who we are—to know our true nature—we must look to God, our origin. God is Love. We are His image. We are like Him, and therefore to be loving is actually instilled in each of us. The source of courtesy is the source of all goodness, namely God.
In Leviticus, there’s a discussion of God’s love for His children, including this statement: “I will have respect unto you, and make you fruitful, and multiply you, and establish my covenant with you.”
The respect we show one another is a direct outcome of reflecting the divine nature. When we know who we are as God’s children, we can’t help but be respectful and kind to the people we come into contact with, because they are God’s children also.
It goes against our grain to be uncivil or discourteous. We can resist this kind of behavior because it opposes our essential nature as children of a God who is Love.
Soul, another name for God, is the source of all good. Its action on us satisfies, harmonizes, and controls. Goodness, for each of us as God’s idea, is an intrinsic part of man, not outside him. When we acknowledge this spiritual fact in prayer, we engage in more settled, calm thinking, and more peaceful, reasoned behavior.
It is not enough just to know good in an intellectual sense, however. We must be it, act it, live it. We have the example of Christ Jesus’ grace-filled life to look to and imitate.
For instance, one time when Jesus was on his way to help a young girl, who was deathly ill, he was approached by a woman in great need. He did not rush by her or ignore her needs. Instead he stopped, gave her the courtesy she deserved, and healed her of a hemorrhaging condition she’d endured for over a decade. He then went on to save the girl from death.
Opportunities to live the deep, spiritual goodness of the Christ—God’s representative of Love to humanity—present themselves every day. We’re alert to them when we are praying to be of service to God. Serving God and showing our consideration for others are inseparable.
Kindnesses that come from our nearness to God can be as simple as offering someone a seat on the bus or subway, holding a door open for another person, giving a hand to someone struggling with packages.
These apparently small gestures are the outcome of a practiced selflessness that simply expresses itself according to the need of the moment. They are more than good manners. Such acts indicate a deep, present selflessness that is Christly. They say “I honor you and value you as God does.” This kind of meekness does not degrade, but exalts everyone to their sterling selfhood.
Once while I was living in a temporary apartment while work was being done in my home, I encountered a landlady who was rude to me in the extreme. It occurred to me to be kind, rather than fearful, which was the initial temptation. I looked for ways to make her life more pleasant even when she scowled or shouted at me. I knew I had done nothing to provoke her and intuitively sensed there was a deeper need.
One day as I entered the building and she began to shout, I looked at her and told her that I was her neighbor and I considered the building her home and mine. I said it was right for us both to feel safe and welcome in this place. There was an immediate softening in her eyes, and I went upstairs. A few days later, she invited me into her apartment for the first time and shared with me many woes she had been experiencing. I encouraged her to persevere and to trust God to help her. I continued to find ways to brighten her days. When the time came to move back home, she gave me a lovely gift and thanked me for being so kind. She put her hand up to my cheek and said “I love you.”
Courtesies become good practice for the larger demands on us that come as we progress spiritually. Things like refusing to speak evil of another, checking tendencies toward temper, hurt, or disappointment, and especially developing the ability to heal. This is putting the Golden Rule into practice—to treat others the way you want to be treated—all day, every day.
It is in your heart to improve the world. Every day, multiple opportunities present themselves to “be courteous.” As you comply, you’ll see the beneficial effect in your life and in those whose lives you touch.