I learned to look at the donut, not the hole

During the 1950s, a small diner in my hometown posted a series of sayings on the walls above the horseshoe-shaped counters. One of them stuck with me: “As you go through life, my friend, keep your eye upon the donut and not upon the hole!”

I've always thought that to be a wise adage about productive focus. And recent experiences have made it particularly meaningful to me.

At the end of 2002, I was retired from a challenging career as a technical writer by a mandate of the European company I worked for. I felt a sense of loss, but since I’d worked in Europe for an international company, I thought I'd be highly employable back in the United States.

To my dismay, no one seemed the least impressed with my European experience. And because downsizing pervaded technology companies—my field of expertise—few jobs were available. I decided to resign myself to retirement and a part-time job in retail sales.

But during the next year or so, I began to question my decision. I sometimes thought about that donut adage and it occurred to me that I no longer had a goal to strive toward.

Academic achievement, career advancement, and skill development had been my passions. They had enabled me to enjoy a highly successful career. But now these were no longer part of my life, a lack of purpose pervaded my thinking. I felt discarded, useless, frustrated.

Then my husband died suddenly. I felt my life had completely lost any sense of meaning.

After indulging in self pity for some time, I realized I had to overcome negative thoughts if I wanted to be free of limitations. But how could I see the donut when the hole loomed so large?

Though I had always been a sincere student of Christian Science, I now began more intense study and prayer.

Mary Baker Eddy, who discovered Christian Science, encouraged readers of her book: “Stand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously.” To me this meant I needed to overcome the feeling that there was no meaning in my life, and that I was unneeded.

I struggled to regain my God-centered perspective, and looked for inspiration in Bible passages focused on God’s purpose for His children. These promises of God’s care were so numerous! How could I ever have doubted that God was directing my path and had a purpose for me to fulfill? It was clear that my usefulness hadn’t ended with my career.

Familiar passages in the book of Luke seemed particularly meaningful: “Seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink, neither be ye of doubtful mind. For all these things do the nations of the world seek after: and your Father knoweth that ye have need of these things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you. Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom.”

The words “neither be ye of doubtful mind” grabbed my attention because doubt had certainly made its home in my thought. I had not been a good “porter at the door” of my spiritual consciousness.

If doubt and fear were the holes in my thinking, how could I remove them? These words from Luke: “…seek ye the kingdom of God; and all these things shall be added unto you” hit me like a bolt. I needed to reevaluate my goals and focus more on God! Events that followed showed divine Mind’s activity in my life. First, and most important, I was given the opportunity to take Christian Science primary class instruction. This is a course in spiritual healing given by a teacher of Christian Science.

I told my prospective teacher that I was having difficulty seeing a way to take time off from my part-time job to attend class because I couldn’t afford not to be paid. She responded with part of a quotation from Mrs. Eddy: “The right way wins the right of way,....” (The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 232 ) I affirmed those words every day in my prayers. It felt right for me to take class instruction.

The next week, I unexpectedly received a check from an academic publisher for a series of articles my husband had written shortly before his passing. The amount of the check was equivalent to my two weeks’ salary—just another proof that there is only one Mind and it provides for all our needs.

Primary class instruction gave me a fuller understanding of the true goal in my life, which was to put God first. It also enabled me to appreciate more completely Mrs. Eddy’s words about God as divine Mind: “How empty are our conceptions of Deity! We admit theoretically that God is good, omnipotent, omnipresent, infinite, and then we try to give information to this infinite Mind.”

I stopped trying to inform divine Mind about what I wanted—a full-time job and a real career—and started opening myself up to ways I could use my knowledge and experience to benefit others. This new openness led me to consider teaching, a profession I had left years ago.

I decided to apply for a job at a private school that had an excellent academic reputation. Months before, my negative feelings would have prevented me from even thinking about taking this step. Within a few days, I was invited for an interview. I had just the right qualifications for teaching a newly funded writing program.

When I was hired, I was so grateful and spiritually energized that I wrote an article, which was posted on spirituality.com (see “The Christmas story brought healing to my grief”). This opportunity to be published assured me that I was still a good writer.

I’ve come to understand that I could never lose my abilities. They are mine by reflection, for I reflect all the qualities of divine Mind. It’s gratifying to see tangible evidence that my life is still useful and purposeful. And it always will be—because I am God’s child.

One by one, my experiences proved that when we keep our eyes on the donut—on worthy spiritual goals—they manifest themselves in our lives in ways we never could have planned ourselves.

Seek ye the kingdom of God:

Science and Health
392:24-27 Stand
3:17-20

King James Bible
Luke 12:29-32