Article September 23, 2013 Issue

Without hurt

Judy Cole

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Have you said those words to a friend or family member, regretting something you said or did? Perhaps you offended them when you didn’t intend to; or maybe you were wronged and wanted an apology. Most of us have experienced and been troubled by these situations, which often occur in the minutiae of the day-to-day as the result of haste, carelessness, or ignorance.

How do we right such wrongs? How can we make sure hurtful behavior isn’t repeated? How can we be sure we’re not the source of hurt to another? 

The 19th-century American philosopher and essayist Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The only way to have a friend is to be one.” I’ve found that I’m a better friend when, rather than simply not meaning to hurt others, I actually mean not to hurt—that is, when I am purposeful about being a good friend; being patient, kind, and loving, and doing good deeds.