IT WAS MY JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL. Everything seemed wrong. With each decision I made, it seemed like there was a voice in my head telling me that things wouldn't work out, that my life was miserable, and that there was nothing I could do to change it.

It started with a growing suspicion about my friendships. Yes, I enjoyed spending time with these people, but I had begun to notice a disconnect between me and the larger group. Our interests were becoming different, and as a result, it seemed like my friends were much more interested in being with each other than with me.

I wanted to pray about this situation, but self-doubt crippled my ability to move beyond the negativity I saw. Over time, feelings of depression began to build until it was difficult to see any good in my life—though, on a subconscious level, I knew the good was still there.

Adding to the difficult experience was a struggle with AP US History (advanced placement for college credit). Before this, schoolwork had always come very easily to me, and I'd received excellent grades. However, AP US History required a much greater level of involvement and commitment to the course, with several hundred flashcards to memorize, in addition to other test preparation.

By March, I was foundering. It seemed that I wouldn't be able to get a good score on the AP test, no matter how hard I worked. My friendships were rapidly crumbling as well, and it was becoming clearer that these relationships weren't fulfilling at all.

One night, I simply couldn't take it anymore. I broke down crying over dinner, utterly convinced that my life was ruined and I couldn't find new friends or succeed in mastering the AP subject matter.

My mother gently led me away from the table so we could pray quietly together. She shared several thoughts about God's providence, or sustaining grace, being with me always, and I felt myself mellow as I realized how blessed I really was.

The following day, I remembered a favorite hymn. These lines were helpful to me: "Pilgrim on earth, home and heaven are within thee, ... Cared for, watched over, beloved and protected, / Walk thou with courage each step of the way" (Christian Science Hymnal, No. 278).

This helped me realize that God, my heavenly Father, was already supplying everything I needed: the inspiration to understand the difficult subject matter in school, as well as friendships that would be positive and make me feel good about myself.

With this revelation, my thought instantly became more uplifted. The mire of depressing feelings began to fade. I started seeing my friends as God's children, and this realization prompted me to understand that I didn't need to keep basing my happiness on what they thought of me or how we were interacting. As a result, I slowly began to discontinue spending time with them. Once those friendships dissolved, I actually wasn't sad but felt so free and happy. I saw that I didn't have to be afraid to let go and expect new blessings to come into my life.

As for the situation in school, a series of angel messages prompted me to alter my study habits and work harder. I developed techniques to remember the flashcards, and over time, I became less and less intimidated by the sheer number of them, and noticed with happiness that the pile of flashcards I knew was much bigger than the pile of flashcards I hadn't quite mastered yet. This was especially wonderful, since there were about 600 flashcards total!

By the time the AP test arrived, I felt very confident, though still a little nervous. However, my fears were calmed when my sister and I went to the test center. The environment was peaceful and friendly, and the attitude of the other students was also positive.

I continued to pray as I was taking the test. I remember feeling the presence of divine Mind with me, reassuring me that I knew everything I needed to achieve a wonderful score. This was confirmed several weeks later. When my score arrived, it was much higher than what I'd been expecting.

I'm so grateful for the freedom that Christian Science has given me from those depressing feelings, and for the way it's helped me realize my identity as God's child. |css