A spirituality.com chat last month featured Joan Wattam, a Christian Science practitioner from Rotherham, in the United Kingdom. This text has been edited for readability. To listen to the complete chat, go to www.spirituality.com/chats/neveralone.

Joan, please share some ideas on how to regain a proper sense of life after losing a spouse.

Special care needs to be taken to guard our thought from the beginning. As I was thinking of Psalm 139, there was a key word in that psalm which struck me and that was "awake" (verse 18). And the command to wake up is given in Ephesians 5:14. It says, "Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead [from your dead thoughts], and Christ shall give thee light"—that is, understanding. So it's important to rouse that understanding and have the desire to seek and know the truth when someone who's very close to us, passes on. We do have the most wonderful assurance from Jesus of there being no death in reality, and no parting.

Why is it that people sometimes feel lonely even when they are among lots of people?

Over and over again it's about expressing love, isn't it? It's about taking the first step that comes from gratitude that we're not alone because God is here, and that we do have something to offer in that group, in that crowd, whatever it may be.

I am divorced. Because they are happy, my friends think I should be married to be happy. But most of the time I think I am already happy. How can I tell if I'm being willful or selfish by not wanting to date or wanting full-time companionship, as in marriage?

You don't have to conform to other people's ideas. If says in the Bible: "Be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Rom. 12:2). Renewal of the mind—putting on "the mind of Christ" (I Cor. 2:16). Don't worry about what other people think.

God, Soul, Life, Love, is always present with me. But how can I pray or meditate when the urge of a romantic companionship in my life is needed and is not present?

If you put God first, enjoy the fellowship of others, and obey the First Commandment, then all other things "shall be added unto you" (Matt. 6:33). We can entrust that very real and vital and relevant need to Him. God knows the angels that we need, and they come in many forms, but we don't go seeking them. We keep our eyes—our "spiritual eyes"—fixed on God, on divine Mind, and Love will lead the way. We don't outline. We just know that we're being looked after, and that whatever we need will come.

How may one pray if one is worried that one's new family doesn't love one? It's tempting to miss one's birth family during the holidays.

At holiday time it can be natural to think about the birth family, if we're living a long way from them. But feelings of loneliness are just that—feelings—and feelings follow thought. If we direct thought to gratitude to God, and to thanksgiving that is sincere, and move away from thoughts of self or loss, we find true joy. Psalm 22 tells us that God "inhabitest the praises of [His people]" (verse 3). We can turn to divine Mind with sincere praise and thanksgiving, be filled with the wonder of His loving presence, and find that makes up for any feeling of lack.

I often keep a gratitude journal. The first time I started one I thought: I'm going to find three things each day that I can be sincerely thankful for. And to my shame, I had to struggle to find three things that first day. The second day, and ever after, a page hasn't been enough. And it does change us. I've never known anything to have such strong, healing power as sincere gratitude to God.

I've heard it said that "it's not an empty nest until all their stuff is out of the attic." However, could you share some ideas on dealing with the situation where all your kids are now on their own?

We bring our children up to be independent and resilient, to have all the wisdom that God, divine Mind, gives to us. So we don't need to worry and have anxiety about our children. We can hold them before the Father in prayer and we can "know that all things work together for good to them that love God" (Rom. 8:28).

Our children both left home on the same day for their adventure. When they went, the house absolutely echoed. It was like I'd been living for them, and all of a sudden my bubble had burst. That was a real wake-up call for me. I had to accept this thought: These children are not yours; they are God's children. You've been given the task of stewardship, and they're going on now, and you also have to fulfill your course.

We can look forward with joyful expectancy to all that divine Mind is preparing for us.

When we are in a relationship, how do we know whether we are just enjoying the companionship, or if it's the right person for us that God wants us to be with?

There is a divine intuition about relationships, and I think you can trust the relationship to Mind. We don't fight to make a relationship match our preconceived idea of how it should be. We just go with it, and as we maintain our life in Christ, our oneness with God, we can trust God will open the way.

I remember I'd been friendly with a young man for seven years. It was quite an important relationship. I loved his family, too. But it didn't work out, and I knew that it wouldn't. When I met my husband, within a very short time, the inner voice said, "This is the man you will marry." I just said, All right. And the following week I got the proposal. But, yes, I do believe that Mind reveals to us the way we should go, as long as we're not fighting to have our own way.

What do you recommend as a prayerful approach to family relationships and turmoil, to not agreeing on subjects that seem important and becoming estranged from each other?

First of all I would say that you're not responsible. Don't feel that as a burden. It's a false sense of responsibility, and we can all fall into that trap. But we need to realize that each person is a child of God. There's just that one generation—each one is severally and universally in relation to God. And all that we're told to do is love another. Sometimes there are surface squabbles, personalities that don't seem to match—egos, the false sense of egos that feel defensive—and things like that. Have no anxiety about anything, but just love one another, because "love is the fulfilling of the law" (Rom. 13:10), and that's all we have to do. That's the only thing that is demanded of us, that we love. css