Just coming into Christian Science a year and a half ago, I am, one step at a time, falling in love with Love, God. And each step of growth has brought me more and more blessings.

In 1985, I agreed to admit myself into a psychiatric hospital, after being diagnosed with bipolar manic depression, after eight years of drinking heavily.

While there, I attended Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. At the end of those meetings, we would recite the Lord's Prayer. In the beginning, I would refuse to say the prayer. But one time I opened my eyes and looked around the room, thinking if there was a God, instead of being a punishing God, He'd be smiling down on us with love. Suddenly I felt love flowing from me to each and everyone in that group. Instead of alcoholics or drug addicts, I saw beautiful brothers and sisters.

I did not understand this, but I knew it came from God. And from that moment on, I did not want another drink of alcohol.

As I now understand through Christian Science, a "chemicalization" took place that day, as Mary Baker Eddy described it in Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures: "... the upheaval produced when immortal Truth is destroying erroneous mortal belief. Mental chemicalization brings sin and sickness to the surface, forcing impurities to pass away, as is the case with a fermenting fluid" (p. 401).

After leaving the hospital, I wanted to know more about this God of love and commit myself to Him. I went from church to church, trying to fit in, but I still had this void in my life. After six years of psychotherapy and 19 years of taking medications to combat depression, I was still not able to function mentally. Suicidal thoughts were plaguing me all the time. I quit yet another job. And finally, I just wanted to die.

I had been staying isolated, only going out to the store and the laundromat. And around this time I came across a Sentinel and a Christian Science Journal at a laundromat. Taking them home with me, I became interested. At first, I thought the stories that I was reading, the healings, and all the talk about God were for certain people, but not for me. In my despair one day I cried out to God and said, "If there is a God, or if You are God, then You are going to have to do something to fix me, because I don't know what else to do!"

The thought came to look up a Christian Science church, and a Christian Science practitioner. But I sat on this for about a month—afraid the church and the practitioner would reject me. In a trance, it seemed, I finally went to a Christian Science Reading Room to buy this book I had read about, Science and Health.

I just read, and found myself really wanting to read, which I hadn't done for years. And while I was reading one evening, I felt a change taking place within me. As with the healing of alcoholism earlier on, I realize now that this was another mental chemicalization. I had been abused as a child and felt a lot of anger and hatred about my past and my childhood. But as the spiritual truth I was reading about my identity as God's beloved child, whole and free, came pouring in, views of myself as unworthy and victimized fled. My self-hatred vanished, and nothing but love remained. I felt so much at peace.

I was filled with joy. Divine Mind made clear to me that I was loved, worthy, and cherished. Love took full control of me, and I was thrilled with the truths that God blessed me with. I knew that I was healed that same night.

I never took any more medication. About a week later, I threw away the rest of my bottles of medicines. I became convinced that there was no more reason to take them.

My joy and happiness has proved to be lasting. All the anger and resentment and depression were erased. I not only forgave the individual who had abused me, but I felt nothing but love toward that person and realized we were all God's children. I was just full of joy, full of love.

My purpose was finally revealed: to serve our God and to give away freely what was given me. The desire to become a healer was planted.

So, as I went to my first Wednesday night meeting at the Church of Christ, Scientist, in town, I knew this loving God had been preparing me, all these years, for my inheritance as the offspring of Spirit. I was thirsting for this life and realizing what it meant to be inseparable from my Father-Mother God! And I loved how Mary Baker Eddy described this journey as a "divine adventure" (The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany, p. 158).

Jesus said, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matt. 6:33). Through my study of Christian Science, I've come to understand that I don't have to worry about anything, because God is in control of my life.

I've been completely free from depressions and suicidal thoughts now for over a year. I enjoy my life, and even when I have a trying day, those times don't last very long.

Recently I took Primary class instruction in Christian Science. And now I dedicate myself to serving our sovereign Father-Mother God, as He unfolds my comings and goings.

I give glory to God!

NORA STEPP
CHARLESTON, WEST VIRGINIA, US