After many rejections, an aspiring actor finds new confidence and success through humble prayer.

As an actor living in Los Angeles, I'd begun thinking of each day as a "take." In every scene during the day, you just hope for one perfect moment, a "breakthrough." So I've often thought it ironic that the daily list of Hollywood auditions is called the "breakdowns."

People will tell you that acting is a cutthroat business where rejection is daily fare, chronic unemployment is expected, and actors are legendary for their massive, yet fragile, egos. There's a reason why a movie about Hollywood producers is titled Swimming with Sharks. Yet for all the actor jokes, scary statistics, and grim adages about "the industry," for me, acting actually inspires spiritual growth. And I can say honestly that ego, fragile or otherwise, has nothing to do with it.

When I first decided to be an actor in Los Angeles, I felt like part of a relay team. There I was at the starting line, with my arms wrapped around all my training, conviction, and talent, ready to hand it all off to my agent, who would then toss it to a casting director, who would thrust it at a director, who would then brilliantly lay it at the feet of an appreciative audience. It was organized, streamlined, and, most important, a plan. I understood that acting was a career with no guarantees, and I congratulated myself on choosing the 20-year plan instead of the maybe-I'll-get-discovered-at-the-grocery-store plan. If I failed, it wouldn't be for lack of trying.

So I tried everything. I spent hours every day submitting my headshot for commercials, television shows, feature films, student films, plays, print ads, voiceover work. And I worked fairly steadily, if not glamorously, in many of these areas. Still, I was far from making a living by acting, and that was my goal. So I doubled my efforts, pounded the pavement, often literally, and eventually worked myself into a frenzy. There simply weren't enough hours in the day to convince everyone in Los Angeles that I could play the funny girl next-door, the daring action hero, the courageous immigrant, and the embittered wife ... all in one movie! And when the returns failed to match my investments in time, energy, and creative selling, I got pretty depressed. What more could I do? I was already doing everything I could to make my career happen, wasn't I?

Now, throughout my life, I have experienced the amazing grace of trusting God with my desires. I grew up learning about Christian Science, and it's been natural for me to pray when I'm troubled and to trust that prayer will heal any situation. But suddenly, wincing in the glare of Tinseltown, I realized I hadn't included God in my relay team at all. Had I thought of God as a mere spectator?

I have a little notebook where I jot down passages from the Bible and Science and Health that pertain to pursuing an acting career, and I began flipping through it in a bit of a daze. Here's a small sample of what I found (and underlined):

• "When we wait patiently on God ... He directs our path" (Science and Health, p. 254).

• "I have raised him up in righteousness, and I will direct all his ways" (Isa. 45:13).

• "The divine Mind that made man maintains His own image and likeness" (Science and Health, p. 151).

• "... no loss can occur from trusting God with our desires, that they may be moulded and exalted before they take form in words and in deeds" (ibid., p. 1).

• "We must look where we would walk, and we must act as possessing all power from Him in whom we have our being" (ibid., p. 264).

• "Let no man deceive you with vain words" (Eph. 5:6).

All the advice, all the warnings, all the negative statistics about actors ... talk about vain words! And I'd been spouting them right back as I raced around the track passing "I batons" right and left. "I've been doing everything!" "What more can I do?" "Why am I not getting more work?" "When will I be successful?" It was definitely time, I decided, for a new version of "I." And that's when I saw this quote of Jesus, with some insertions I'd written in long ago:

"The light [inspiration] of the body [acting career] is the eye [true in God]: if therefore thine eye [trust in God] be single [wholehearted], thy whole body [acting career] shall be full of light [inspiration]" (Matt. 6:22).

I felt so relieved and grateful. With God as my inspiration, there was no relay. There was no race. Instead, there was the clear, calm comfort of divine Love that is limitless in its creativity and generosity. For all my frantic racing around, I realized, I'd actually just been running in place. So much for my 20-year plan. God's plan for me as Her reflection of goodness and abundance was sure to be more beautiful than I could have ever imagined.

So, simply and humbly, I let go of my desire to win the race, and decided to focus all my energy on understanding my relationship to God. Instead of starting my day by feverishly looking for auditions, I prayed to understand that I was always employed in God's service, and could work on expressing spiritual qualities such as trust, patience, love, and generosity. At first, it was almost overwhelmingly difficult to turn away from the urgency of finding work. But gradually I realized that this stress could never come from God, and so I didn't have to be sucked into it. By putting spiritual growth first, my worries faded, and I felt buoyed by the confidence that not just I but every actor in Los Angeles was being cared for.

The results of this prayer were quick and natural. It wasn't that I was suddenly flooded with acting opportunities, but that my concept of an acting career changed. It became less about booking the job, and more about humbly understanding how I could recognize and celebrate God's gentle presence every day. Consequently, I went to auditions full of excitement, not anxiety. If I didn't book the job, I knew the right person had, and I actually did not feel jealous or resentful. My identity felt more intact, and my life more filled with purpose than ever before. I welcomed each audition as a chance to express God's limitless creativity and individuality, which can never come at the cost of another actor's opportunity.

So, because of my prayer, when I had an important audition for a regular role on a new television series, I didn't prep at the starting line. All my trust in divine inspiration made the character crystal clear to me, and the audition process was a pleasure. I focused on being grateful each step of the way, not just when I'd handed the baton to the next person supposedly in control. After the first audition with the casting director, I got a callback to audition for the writers. Then I auditioned for the studio. Then the network. And then, suddenly, I booked the role. It all happened smoothly, with grace, and in one week. And as euphoric as I was to become a "working actor," nothing could overshadow the profound sense of love I felt from God.

Understanding my relationship to God is an ongoing process, sometimes challenging, always rewarding. Kind of like why I love acting—because it involves an infinite evolution of thought and action. And, as I'm humbly discovering, any number of "takes." CSS