welcome June 21, 2004 Issue

Pathways out of abuse

Suzanne Smedley

Not long ago , I was looking through a recent shipment of oriental rugs on sale in the basement of a local department store. Standing in line at a nearby cash register was a man in a cowboy hat with an attractive 30or 40-something woman, who was casually but tastefully dressed. I remember thinking she looked a bit sad.

No sooner had I taken in this scene than the man turned on his companion, without provocation. The verbal abuse he began to hurl at her was stunning and incomprehensible. She stood at his side, silently, enduring the embarrassment and indignity of his harsh words. Everyone around them fell silent, and looked nervously at one another. No one dared to intervene. I remember wondering how anyone—especially someone who looked so put together—could have hooked up with a man who treated her so cruelly.

Of course, most of us can probably recount our own stories of mistreatment that range from subtle put-downs and angry drivers yelling insults at us on the freeway, to perhaps more serious physical and verbal abuse. Whatever the case, words or actions that hurt, humiliate, or make someone feel unloved can never be justified. And anyone who feels victimized has a right to be free of the abuse—and the memories of it.

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Pathways out of abuse

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